Left with Maybe

Yesterday was a long, LONG day in our house. I am not sure what causes these days but I know that they end with children in tears and a momma falling exhausted into bed feeling completely used up.

So much of what happened was little, and standing alone, inconsequential. But, put in a pile, the whole of it was an awful lot. In addition to the general crabbiness that fell on all of us and the impatience that I juggled all day long, I will share some highlights:

-Noah and Benjamin exploded into an argument after a game of INTO (apparently HORSE is too long a word) and Benjamin, nearly 11 years old, stomps off angrily leaving a frustrated Noah behind.

-Shortly thereafter, Benjamin suddenly realizes that it was a swimming lessons day and while he had his suit and his beach towel, he misplaced his goggles. He MUST have his goggles. He searched in absolute vain for goggles that have clearly fallen off the edge of the earth and very nearly made all his siblings late for swimming.

-Elizabeth, having made her sandwich, ignored 3 reminders to clean up her lunch mess and Lexie, our golden doodle, took advantage of the situation and ate an entire package (from Sam's Club) of ham. Three pounds of lunch meat, gone in an instant.

-Josiah, not wanting to complete one of his chores, announces loudly that he doesn't HAVE to do it. He will just not do it. (Mark and I could not have been more surprised to hear this from our most laid-back little one.)

-All the kids spent the afternoon complaining about one thing after another and asking for more screen time. And more snacks. And more activities. And more attention.

-At dinner, a whole glass of sweet tea was spilled everywhere leaving a sticky film across the majority of our dining room.

-At the same dinner, when I asked Mark to please take the children to the library for new books, Josiah announced that daddy should not have to do it since "he does everything".

-In an effort to "help", Elizabeth emptied a tub standing full of water. Hot water. With bubbles in it. The bath I had just poured her.

-There was an insane amount of tattling.

-The children took turns, literally, interrupting my few phone conversations. Each one coming to me individually with different questions, stories, concerns or injuries leaving me fully unable to be on the phone at all.

Ever have a day that leaves you feeling done? A day where it feels like each quarrel, each request, each whine, each complaint literally draws energy out of your very self? Do you ever fall into bed afraid that tomorrow will be more of the same? It happens in our house... does it happen in yours?

This morning, I am weary. But, here is what I know... I woke up this morning and the sun came out. I took a walk with my husband. I heard the birds sing. Josiah woke up and smiled at me. Benjamin and Noah both woke up with books in their hands and stories in their minds. Elizabeth is working hard to start this day differently than yesterday. My children have combed their hair, brushed their teeth and found their shoes. We have eaten waffles and sausage and are ready to start our day. Benjamin has his goggles. No one spilled their orange juice.

Yesterday was not a very good day here. But maybe today will be better. Maybe I will be more patient. Maybe they will bicker less. In that maybe lies a little glimmer of hope. In that maybe I can find a possibility, a chance that today will have more peace and less mess. In that maybe, lies just enough energy for me to pull myself up out of bed and put one foot in front of the other and start. Start today. Start moving. Start parenting. Start loving. Start being.

Sometimes we have a bad day. Maybe today will be better. And the hope tucked inside that 5 letter word is just enough for me.