Which, of course, I never do.
So, how about a list of random thoughts on a windy Friday morn?
1. It warmed up this week. All the people who are sick of winter got super excited about spring coming and such. I worry for them. Because... well... it's February. And the reality is we have a lot of winter yet to come. A couple of days of temperatures above freezing made us all remember it is possible that some day spring will come and we will not wear coats and the sun will peek back out and we will all go outside to play. Yep, that day is coming. But it is not today. Sometimes I wonder why we are always so discontent. We spend winter longing for summer and summer awaiting the cold. I wonder what life would look like if we tried to embrace where we are and whatever is around us, trusting that the only thing that is sure is that this will not be the way things stay.
2. My older boys have had a couple of busy weeks. Retreats, rehearsals, practices, school... I see their backs more than their faces and I miss them. I love that they get to do such amazing things and that they are using their gifts and getting experiences that are valuable to the lives they will lead. But, when I sit down to eat dinner and they are not here, I am face to face with the reality that someday this will be the norm. And I cannot even wrap my head around that. Yes, there are days when I am tired and when the house is a wreck and I am frustrated and all this parenting work feels like an awful lot... But, I also know this is a season. And, from the second these four were placed in my arms, there was a clock somewhere running backwards and my back is up against the wall with no way to slow it down. So, when my teens came home last night at the time I normally go to bed, you better believe I stayed up a while to listen to them bubble over with excitement about all that they had done. And you better believe that I put my arms around their necks, yes, even their teenage necks, and hugged them tight because today, I can. Today, they will still come home and sleep in their beds and eat all our snacks and talk loud and fast and leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. Not forever... but today. And I am thankful for that...
3. Speaking of my messy house... Please tell me that it is not only me that has a house that is utterly trashed every week. Please tell me that I am not the only momma who says, "I know you hate chores, dear children. However, if you just picked up after yourselves, there would never be a mess and we would not have to do chores... blah, blah, blah." As I sit here typing to you, I know I should go and work at some of it but seriously the mess is not mine and I know I am teaching them some horrible lesson by cleaning up after them. But, the truth is that it is driving me crazy and I am home by myself and the only one suffering in the disaster around is me! I think we have too much stuff. I am convinced that if we owned less stuff, we would have less to clean up and then I remember... they will leave out what they have anyway. The only amount of stuff that would end up leaving no mess behind is no stuff. And that is unrealistic... right? And wasn't it just one paragraph ago that I was reminding myself how fleeting this all is... and a paragraph before that... about contentment? Yep, maybe I am not reading my blog. It is Friday, after all.
4. On another note, my disdain for medicine continues. Turns out, it doesn't much care for me, either. After nearly two weeks of tweaking meds and feeling sick over all this heart stuff, I think we will need to find another way. My cardiologist has some suggestions and thinks that fixing my heart may make more sense that toying with meds that do not help greatly and do cause other issues. So... I am thinking I will likely do that. Get it fixed. I wish I could say that I am not afraid... but doing anything with the heart seems pretty worrisome given the fact that I cannot live without. The doctor seems confident but I am fairly sure that being confident is a trait you must have to go into medicine. For now, I am going to juggle a couple of prescriptions for about another month and then hopefully, go in and get this whole thing taken care of so I can feel better and live normally for a really long time to come. If you would pray for this whole tachycardia business though, I would appreciate it more than you know.
How's that for random thoughts?
I think I will go make some banana bars and put in a load of laundry. I think I will write an article and send it in and look over my book proposal and take care of some things that being tired from my heart has kept me from doing for far too long. I will sit with my dog and soak up the quiet that is sitting beside me and breathe and rest and putz and enjoy this day.
Even if it is cold.
Even if there's a mess.
Even if I don't feel great.
And, I hope you can, too.
Blessings on your day.