You all have given me something big to think about. It sort of breaks my heart.
A week ago today, I wrote a blog post called It Really Is Okay. I felt an overwhelming urge to write it and it sat like a weight on me that whole day. I honestly thought, given the busyness of this month, that I was writing what I needed to hear, what I wished someone would tell me. May is always hard for me. I feel continually behind and over-booked. I hoped I was not alone.
So, I posted the blog and moved on with my day. Since that time, the traffic to that post has been insane. Because I try to keep up with my traffic statistics, I noticed right away that more of you were reading it. What I did not expect to find was that this would continue for several days. At this point, that post has gotten 300% more traffic than an average post on my blog.
Now, you'd think I would be thrilled about that! I love when I post something that connects with anyone at all! :)
It makes me sad.
I just keep thinking that we feel awfully alone. I keep thinking that we honestly believe that we are not doing a very good job. I am overwhelmed with the realization that we somehow believe that the fact that we cannot stay ahead of the mess our families create at home says something about our ability to love our kids.
How did this come to be? Can you see how sad it is? How did it come to be that we believe that it is not enough to be good at some of this, but we have to great at it all?
My best friend keeps a very neat house. She rocks that. Seriously. The woman wears out parts of vacuum cleaners that I do not even know exist. (I am not even kidding.) However, she is not a fan of the kitchen. Unless she is cleaning it. Then she loves it. We all have things we are great at and things we just do not enjoy.
I love to cook. Love it. I love to bake and create healthy meals and try new recipes and feel really fulfilled when my family eats well and is full. I trash my kitchen. TRASH it. I hate to clean it. I have an amazing husband who so loves a good meal that he is willing to clean whatever happened to create that meal. I am not great at cleaning the house. I know how to do it. I am able to do it. I do not love it. I never wear out vacuum parts but I promise, I know where my vacuum is. Well, most of the time.
But, as I sit here writing this I am so aware of the fact that it would deeply shame me if you knocked on my door right now. My house is not a complete disaster but it is not ready for guests. Why do we do that to ourselves? Seriously. Why can't it be enough for us to embrace what we are good at and wash ourselves in grace over what we lack? Why can't we allow for the places where we make mistakes and celebrate the things we do well?
Because the truth is, we cannot do all things well. Honestly. And we are killing ourselves trying to.
We are spending these precious days with our families staring at our shortfalls and striving to do more. I know because I do it, too. I beat myself up over things I have missed, chores I overlook and times when I have disappointed my children. And every time I do this, I am missing what is in front of me right then. I am missing what I do well. And all this internal battling uses energy I honestly need.
Yep, the response to that blog post is breaking my heart because it offers a tiny glimpse into what is happening inside our lives. And maybe I am reading too much into it. That could totally be the case. Or maybe we really feel like we are not the mommas we want to be and no matter how hard we try we just keep seeing the ways that we come up short. If that is the truth, then something has got to change.
But, what will that change be? How do we help each other with this important thing? I know how you hate to write comments but really, I need to know. How did we get to this place and how do we get out?
Because in my heart of hearts, I really believe that we are doing a pretty good job. I think there are things we all need some help with, but at the end of the day-shortfalls and all-we are loving on the children entrusted to us...even when we make a mistake, miss an event, eat fast food, and kick that dust bunny back under the couch.
Blessings on your day.
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