A New Year. A New Direction.

So, here's what I know.

Change is not impossible.  Telling ourselves it cannot be is the way we get ourselves off the hook.  (Nothing like starting the year off with honesty, right?)

When we tell ourselves that we cannot:

~help our child

     ~lose that weight

          ~break that habit

               ~dig out of debt

                    ~create healthier relationships

                         ~tell the truth

                              ~change our lives

what we are really saying is we don't want those things.  Or we don't want to struggle to find the answer. Or we don't want to make the hard choice... which may really make things worse before making them any better.

So, we sit in this place and find ourselves at the start of a brand new year in a very similar place to where we were last year and we feel hopeless.  And that is awful.  For me, without a doubt, hopelessness is BY FAR the worst thing I could feel.  It freezes me.  Makes me want to turn my head away and do absolutely nothing.

But it is all a lie, this hopelessness.  I promise it is.

Don't believe it.  

And please do not even let yourself whisper that lie.  Not to anyone.  Especially not to yourself.

Because here's the thing.  Your child is not hopeless.  And the situation you find yourself in, is not hopeless either.  And all those things you think cannot happen because you are too tired or its been too long or you have tried everything or there is no way out... all of those things... ALL OF THEM... can change.

But, because it is so big to even think about it, we continue to sit still.  And then 2015 will come and here we will still be.

What if today, we made one small move?  What if today we decided that we would try one TINY thing? What if we got up off the couch and tried to squint our weary eyes and look for a new a path and just took one baby step in the direction of that new journey?  What if making a change for ourselves, our families, our very lives had less to do with a huge, overwhelming task and more to do with willing ourselves to try in a new direction.

The other night, our whole family was eating dinner talking about the possibility of taking a day to go skiing. My husband, Mark, loves the idea.  My older boys, ages 16 and 15, are eager.  My 11 year old, Josiah? He was scared to death!  To him, the very idea of skiing seems reckless, terrifying, impossible.  He is a cautious kid and always happy to find a cozy spot and enjoy a good book.  Plummeting down a hill at unknown speeds with certain death at the bottom?  He would rather not, thank you very much.

For Josiah, the idea of trying this new thing is overwhelming.  It is a change in his life that he cannot wrap his head around.  He doesn't know HOW to ski and started telling all of us about how he doesn't know how to stop, doesn't know how to turn, what if he falls... etc...

The details were just too much.

As he put his head in hands at the table with us, Noah began to explain that while it all seems hard, it really is not.

"In fact," he said, "if you want to turn, all you have to do is glance in that direction and you will begin to turn. Glancing changes your balance just enough to gently move you in a new direction."

Sixteen-year-olds can be so wise.

Today is not the first day of a brand new year. And it does not have to be.  But change can come where it is needed... if we only move in a new direction.  It's not overwhelming, you see?  It's not a about a great big bunch of overwhelming tasks.

No.

Just look.  Seriously.  Turn your head just a tiny titch.  Glance in a new direction.

See that little glint?

It might be far away.

But it is there.

It is hope.

HOPE.

Let's head toward it this year.

Blessings on your day.

It's Okay to Need a Break...

The house is quiet.  I am grateful.

My older boys are away this week and we are missing them already.  The little ones are reading and while I can hear lawn mowers outdoors and the clicking of my keys as I type, there is otherwise no sound to take up the space in my brain.

Yes, grateful.

The summer months have a way of filling up and getting loud and demanding attention and activity.  But sometimes, I need to sit and be still and breathe deeply in a calm and quiet space.

You, too?

It's okay, you know, to take a minute and step outside and let the chaos continue away from you while you soak up the silence that can refresh your self.  It's okay to need it and okay to seek it and okay to know that your day is better if you can just find a break.

You are not the only momma who has locked the bathroom door, who has sat in the van while parked in the driveway, who has put on the TV and then walked away.  You are not the only momma who looks at the calendar filled with 80+ summer days and wondered what to do with all that time.  You are not the only one.

So, if it is getting kinda loud and your nerves are fried and you are finding yourself answering in a terse, tight tone, give yourself a minute and find a quiet space and take some intentional deep breaths.  Watch the leaves on the trees dance in the breeze and let yourself unwind just a little, tiny bit.  Or better yet, open that same door and send the kids outside and make a quick cup of coffee to sip while you sit still in the house doing absolutely, positively nothing at all.

Because sometimes you need a break.

We all do.

And, it's okay.

Blessings on your day.

Before They Go Back-to-School

We have been inundated with Back-To-School flyers and zippy commercials and academic supply lists.  We have been given the message, loud and clear, that it is time for us to get our ducks in a row, schedule hair cuts, stuff backpacks and purchase the newest, coolest gym shoes for the children in our homes.  School starts soon!  It is time to get ready.

And while all of this swims around my head, I cannot help but think that we are somehow missing the mark.  It may be true that there is something special about a brand new box of 64, but it is the thing that matters?  Is it really where our focus should be during these last, long days of summer?  Will our buying frenzy lead to children who are ready for school to start up once more?

Here are some preparations to consider:

1.  Let your kids linger outside.  In our home, we can already feel the schedules pushing in on our lazy summer days.  Team practices, last minute camps, forms to fill out... but my kids want to be outside.  They NEED to be outside.  Let's make time, before the time is gone, to push our kids out the door and let the sun land on their cheeks as they run and yell and hang upside down in a tree.  They need the openness of it... the freedom.  They need to think up a game and play with abandon and come in dirty and tired.  It matters, even if they beg to play video games inside.  They need to breathe deep, to lay in the grass, to watch falling stars in cool evening air.  Do it, mommas.  While we can.

2.  Listen to their concerns and excitements about the year to come.  Listen to the way they talk about their friends, their teachers, their school environment.  Let them spill the whole of it out so that you know where they are when they step away.  Ask gentle questions and then let the words come and look at their faces and read their feelings and help them talk through all that goes into starting a brand new year.  You are building relationships here... sending a message that you will hear them.  And as the wonder and turmoil of school begins again, you want them to know they can come to you with all that will arise in class.

3.  Check the messages you send about school.  As a speaker, I have had the chance to listen to mommas from all over, many of whom believe that it is normal, even expected, for children to hate school.  Breaks my heart!  Never underestimate the power of your words in your child's young life!  School does not have to be something kids dread.  Be positive about the year ahead!  Talk about the privilege of going to school and the amazing things they will learn.  Talk about LOVING it and working hard and playing hard and make it all seem like fun... because it is!  Kids who go into school ready for a great adventure, often will find one!  If last year was hard, speak positively about a new start!  If there are areas of concern in your child's school or classroom, please be prepared to get involved.  Be an advocate in trouble. Yet, in hardship or joy, speak with chosen words. Your words will replay in your child's mind and heart for years to come.

4.  Pray.  Pray a lot.  Pray for your children, for their school, for the lessons that will be taught and those that are unplanned.  Pray for your child's teacher and for the families and for the administration.  Pray with your child for those things that concern them and the things they are eager to begin.  Let the teachers know you are praying for them, if you feel comfortable doing so.  Because as this year begins, you will have a new partnership beginning as well.  A new name.  A new influence.  The teacher your child will be with this year will become a part of your family history. Your child will tell stories about this person and remember field trips shared.  Your community is growing and your family is growing and all of it is worth praying about.

5.  Read.  Read aloud.  Have your children read silently.  Prepare their minds and their imaginations for the year ahead.  It doesn't have to feel "academic"... allow it all to feel fun.  Even big kids will listen... so take a few minutes and share a story and let your minds run with the wonder of it all.

Getting ready for back to school has become a commercial event.  Search #BTS on Twitter and you will find hundreds of stores using that hashtag to draw you into the next "necessary" purchase.  But, getting ready for the year ahead has little to do with the things we must buy.  Yes, the Crayolas are necessary.  But stand back a bit and squint your eyes and look to see what matters more.  Helping our kids to FEEL ready... helping our kids to process what is to come... all of this matter so much more.

It takes so little to make the most of these days.  If we think through our getting ready, we can find ourselves teaching our kids to look forward to the year ahead.  Raising kids who love school is far more important than buying the "right" shoes.  Fostering a positive attitude about school can lead to greater success for our kids, opening doors we don't even know we will need.

These days of summer are numbered.  What we do with this time can set the stage for an amazing year ahead.

Blessings on your day!

Dorm Life and Dinner: Chicken Tarragon Casserole

It was a decision that made all the sense in the world. As residence directors at a small, Christian college, Mark and I chose to open our home to our staff for dinner every Thursday night. College students value a home-cooked meal more than you might guess.

The first year, I did the cooking and Mark did the cleaning and the students just showed up to eat. One Thursday night, they were kind of testy with each other during the meal and I realized they needed to accomplish a task together.

"Tonight, we'd like you all to do the dishes." we announced.

Our well-loved students grumbled and groaned and then headed to the kitchen to clean. Within a few short minutes, laughter echoed, bubbles flew and our staff felt strangely united.

From that night on, for six amazing years, I cooked dinner every Thursday night and our residence assistants cleaned the mess. They each took turns and while they worked, Mark and I sat in the nearby living room listening to the fun they were having. It was a great time for us... two small children at our feet and 200+ freshman and sophomore students living all around. The RAs I cooked for every week came to feel like family and we loved, truly-deeply-loved, the time we spent with them.

I learned a lot as we listened in... and those lessons have impacted my parenting over the years. Watching the wonder that washes forth from a task that is happily shared taught me that there is value in having my children not only do chores, but share them. When Mark and I listen to others working together, the voices we hear now are those of our children at home. They are learning and we are remembering and all of it is good.

I have thought about this a lot this week. When I used to cook for college students, one of their favorite meals was Chicken Tarragon Casserole. This week, I have made 5 of these casseroles and given 4 away to my kid's teachers to help celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week at school. As I stood in the kitchen and made these meals, I was lost in thought and memory. As the casseroles baked and the aroma arose, I was brought back to those days at Trinity when our family was small and our community was huge. This dish was a favorite to us, as well... economical and filling, it was perfect for a crowd!

I would like to share the recipe with you... and encourage you all to hand the dishes job off to somebody else! Listen a while and let the soap fly and store up the memories for another day. Today might be kind of busy... but someday, the voices you store up now will really make you smile.

Blessings on your day!

Chicken Tarragon Casserole

Ingredients

2 cans (10-3/4 ounces each) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
2 cups half-and-half cream
4 teaspoons dried tarragon
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 package (16 ounces) linguine or spaghetti, cooked and drained
6 cups cubed cooked chicken
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Paprika, optional

Directions

In a large bowl, combine soup, cream, tarragon and pepper. Stir in the linguine and chicken.

Transfer to an ungreased 4-qt. baking dish. Sprinkle with the Parmesan cheese and paprika if desired. The cheese will create a crusty topping that is an amazing addition to this dish.

Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 30 minutes or until heated through.

(We sometimes add frozen chopped spinach to this dish and/or mozzarella cheese.)

Momma is sick. What do you need?

There are dishes in the sink and supplies for tonight's dinner on the counter. The laundry room floor has gone missing and piles of partially folded clothes adorn the family room. My long locks have been pulled into a pile on top and a headband is holding my bangs back. I am tired and frustrated and have been sick, really sick, for two days.

Last week, I worked out every day, kept up with the blog, made plans for applying for a SheSpeaks scholarship and played with my kids. I ended the week feeling, well... pretty good about what I had done. This week,I broke a toe, have had one kid stay home sick and one go in late feeling ill, and I am generally crabby.

Working out is really not my thing. But, I was honestly starting to like it. Next week is spring break for my kids which means no daytime trips to the club. It seems like I am meant, for whatever reason, to be home this week. Home and sick. Sick and tired.

It's easy to get discouraged. It's easy to fall behind. And it sure doesn't seem like there is room in a day or a week for momma to be the one to get sick. Unlike my teaching days, there is just no way to call in and spend the day in bed.

When I was a young teacher, I got sick many times. One day, the principal came in and told me that I would need to stay home the following day.

"Take a sick day," he said. "Rest up and relax and soon you'll be on the mend."

"I can't," I replied helplessly. "This is my class, my lessons, my responsibility. I have work that I have to do. We are in the middle of a lesson on penguins and I am ready to teach it tomorrow."

"Guess what," he continued. "You are not irreplaceable. Someone else will come in and do what you planned to do."

I was offended, to be honest. They were my students and his words stung. Someone else could do it??? Not irreplaceable? Ouch.

Things have changed a lot. Now, when I get sick, on I go. Dinner to make, house to clean, kids to get ready for school. I never sleep in and can't get caught up and it seems like everyone needs me. What do I have left to give?

This morning, one of my kids climbed into bed with me and picked up my relaxed hand. Not one part of me was yet awake and already there was a need. Slowly, he stroked my arm, rubbed my fingers and then placed my palm on the very top of his head.

"I love you, momma. I love you." he said.

I rolled over and faced him eye to eye.

"I love you too, buddy." I whispered.

The need for him was great. The cost for me was nil. He needed to be touched, to be seen, to be loved. And even with a cold, I could provide all that.

This week has been very frustrating to me. I look for lesson I am supposed to learn as I find myself stuck in a body that feels bad. Why must I lay low? Why must I fall behind? And then it becomes a little bit clear... there are things I need to see.

It is easy to feel like we must do it all... like all of it is needful in this one day. The house must be clean, the dishes done, the laundry folded, our hair brushed. And yet, it seems to me that the thing that is needful most is most easily overlooked.

My hand on his head.

My eyes on his face.

Love offered up and returned.

The rest really matters not.

Blessings on your day.

Birthdays and Aging and Thinking it Through

I don't like getting older. There. I said it. There are a million reason why it bothers me. The one that stands out most clearly for me is the fact that in my head, I am still 17.

When I was growing up, I remember my parents being this age. (You will note that I am omitting the number itself.) I remember that they were GROWN UPS. I remember that this number was... well... not young. But, when I wake up in the morning and the me in my head is still the same me that I knew when I was 17, it stuns me. How can I be this... well... not young?

For many years, Mark and I lived with college students. We LOVED that work and to be honest, living and working with 18-22 year olds has a way of keeping you young. You think about things things that are current and you are fully immersed in common culture. While we were there, we found ourselves up (very) late and laughing out-loud and loving the fast pace of college life.

When we left that job, we found ourselves surrounded by the very young. When we brought Elizabeth home from China, we had a 7 year old, a 6 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. We were tired but very much felt like we were in the young-parent-kind-of stage. It was full and it was good and it felt like a time of beginnings.

But now? Now, I celebrate birthdays and am left with a strange feeling. It's not about wanting to stay young, you see. I don't fear aging and do not feel any pull to trying to pretend I am 25. The thing that throws me off is that, in my head, I am not this... well... not young. In my head, I am still 17. The voice that was me, the thoughts that were me, the ME that was me then is the me that stretches and yawns at the break of a new day now. I didn't know it would be that way. I think I always figured that the child you once were sort of faded away and you became an adult who was... hmmm... grown up? I guess I never thought that my parents and grandparents likely felt very much like I do now. Like the people that they were are still in there... but the number doesn't always match who they find themselves as today.

Mark once asked his dad about this and was told that even at 80+ years old, the man in his head was still a boy. Having heard this, we think of him differently now... with more respect, I hope. Because he carries with him a lifetime of experiences and the person he always was is in there, even within a body that has lived so long. The man who laughed out-loud and told interesting stories and felt passionately about God's kingdom here on earth is still that man.

And maybe it's good, this strange feeling I have. Maybe it's good to remember 17 so clearly today. Maybe, just maybe, there's a gift in that... not for me but for my kids. Because when I was 17, I felt misunderstood. And there was this boy. And I wondered about my place in the world. I was trying new things... good and bad. And I was learning to choose what in life should stay and what should go. I felt deeply and thought long and made mistakes and chose paths and all of it happened then. So, maybe the gift in keeping that me is that when my kids feel alone... I get it. And when they fall and when they love and when the here and now feels like the most important thing... I can understand. Because, when you are a child, the here and now IS the most important thing. And the child I was is still the girl I am. As momma to these four children, I want to remember it all and in doing so find ways to embrace their current experiences and not minimize one little part. Because the feelings I felt then were real. The experiences I had then were formative. And it mattered. Just like it does to my kids.

I had a birthday this week. And yes, I am older. But, the number doesn't matter at all. Because this me, at this age, is still just me. And inside this earthly shell I carry all of who I am and always have been. All those tiny pieces, all those memories have a point. To help me understand those I love the most. So, 17 or 43, it's all okay with me.

Blessings on your day.

Italian Beef. It's What's for Dinner.

Some days are just frustrating. Truly. I have been sitting here for a long while now, working on this blog post that I really, really liked. Talked about my friend Julie, from college, who taught me more than I can possibly say. And tucked in this story was a recipe I hoped you would really like. Just before I posted it all, I hit a button... don't know which one... and all of it disappeared. I am computer savvy enough to know full well that all I wrote must be here somewhere... but try as I might, I cannot find it at all. Some days are just frustrating.

Today began that like that, in a million little ways.

-Benjamin was mad that the shirt he wanted to wear was washed but not dried.
-The kids took for granted the fresh muffins I made for breakfast today.
-I had to clean up after our octogenarian dog.
-The ipod I use to keep me interested in working out was completely uncharged.
-The food of choice for my two 'tweens is gone so they sullenly packed something else for lunch.
-My blog post disappeared.

I could keep whining but I will stop. It is little things that do us in, isn't it? The messes, the attitudes, the endless amounts of work. It is the tiny irritations in any regular day that zap our positive energy and leave us sputtering and stewing and feeling pretty off. That is today for me. So, maybe my warm, fuzzy thoughts about mealtimes and memories is not what we needed today. Maybe you, like me, are tired and frustrated and just a little bit sad.

What's hard for me is that through it all, I have to keep right on going. If I sit on the couch and count my troubles, at the end of the day there will be more to count. Chores undone, meals uncooked, children un-hugged and a longer list to face tomorrow. So, like you, I have to get up and do the next thing and find some way to improve my view because at least then I am making a choice. I am choosing to continue. I am choosing to do. I am choosing to love, to act, to look for better in even a frustrating day.

So, what did I do? I made dinner. Want the recipe? Easy Peasy...

Italian Beef (or Pork) Sandwiches

Ingredients
3 pounds beef chuck roast (or pork roast)
1 (1 ounce) package dry Italian salad dressing mix
1 cup water (or more as needed)
1 can beef broth
1 (16 ounce) jar pepperoncini peppers
1 small jar mild giardiniera
Crusty Italian rolls
Shredded mozzarella or Italian blend cheese

Directions
1.Place the roast into a slow cooker, and season with Italian dressing mix. Pour in the broth. Add the peppers and giardiniera, including juices. Cover, and cook on High for 6 to 7 hours. During the last hour, shred the meat with two forks - if it does not shred easily, cook longer. Serve on rolls, topped with cheese.

Other Info:
1. You can cook this overnight, as well. Start it at bedtime for the next night's dinner. Cook on low.
2. I rarely use a roast for this. Instead, I save my Sunday roast leftovers, including gravy, in the freezer. When I have several pieces, I make this dinner. Excellent use of extra meat! Can be used with beef or pork roast.
3. Don't be afraid of the peppers. They cook down and add amazing flavor to the meat. My kids like this, too! : )

My crock pot is on and the house smells good. There is one less thing to do. I don't know why we have days like these but I know I am not alone. And maybe, just maybe, if I can keep on going, I will find a little pocket of time to sit and relax and breathe and regroup. It is just one day... 24 hours... and tomorrow I will start anew. You will, too.

Blessings on your day.

Gratitude: Two Sweet Girlies and The Pioneer Woman, too.

With Layla Grace and Faith's stories on my mind yesterday, the whole of the day was different. Sometimes, we need an awakening of sorts and finding myself so deeply blessed was just that for me. Throughout the afternoon and evening, I noticed things I may have otherwise missed.

I saw:

A glimpse of Elizabeth's baby face when she threw her head back and laughed.

A bit of a growing "grown-up-tooth" sliding into place in Josiah's gap-filled mouth.

The way Benjamin's hair curls around his fingers as he runs his hand through it while reading.

The twinkle in Noah's eye when he laughs out loud.

And I made a point of taking joy in them. I listened to their stories and thought about their days. It was nice, really. The things I found myself pulling close yesterday are the parts of parenting that I looked forward to the most. How does it happen that we lose sight of that?

I took my time with dinner yesterday, too. I recently started reading The Pioneer Woman's blog. It was in that list we made last week, remember? Somewhere I read that she loves to cook not because it's fun or necessary but because for the little while that our families are eating, it strengthens them for the work ahead and feeds their souls. I like that. I really do.

So, I made country ribs from my supper swap group and a big pot of mac and cheese. I roasted broccoli (oh my goodness, have you tried it??) and then went back to the Pioneer Woman's blog for dessert. Intrigued by her apple dumplings, I dove right in and OH MY, they are amazing.


It felt good, my friends, to go through a day in a way that remembers how blessed I am. It made a difference to me to gripe a bit less and focus more on the reality that lies before me. My kids are well. I have a roof overhead. There is food on the table and it is good. All of it is good.

A long while back, there was a book that asked readers to record 5 things, each day, that they were grateful for right then. I liked that book and liked the practice and somehow along the way, let it all go. But, what would happen if we really still did just that? Every day. Five things. What happens to our perspective, our attitude, when we belly-gaze less and look around more? Becoming overwhelmed by the minutiae of our lives can happen so easily... it happens to me all the time. But, what if loving our lives has more to do with choice and less to do with circumstance? I have let myself off the hook here, one too many times. I have looked at our checkbook, our impossible housing situation, my fatigue, my kids behavior and all the while I have missed it all. I CHOSE this life. I didn't accidentally have four kids. I didn't even accidentally have two houses. It was a choice. And the truth is, it might be hard... it often is... but it is mine and it is good.

So, here are five things I am grateful for today:

1. I still have two houses and I LOVE the one in which I live.

2. My kids are healthy and funny and loud. : )

3. The snow is GORGEOUS, especially against the bright blue sky.

4. I love my husband. Even when I am frustrated. He is the man for me.

5. This morning, I heard a bird sing. So did Noah. And it was beautiful.

What about you? What five simple things are you grateful for today? I would love for you to post it here. Your thoughts might help someone else find the wonder in their life.

Blessings on your day.

Perfectly Ordinary

It's an ordinary day. I woke up to 'Siah's smile at 6:10 AM. I came downstairs and poured myself a cup of the coffee Mark made for me before he left for work. I woke Elizabeth up at 7:00 and she started talking before her feet hit the floor. I checked to be sure that Noah and Benjamin were awake and watched the dog try to climb the ladders to their loft beds. I made waffles, laughed at my kids and watched them scurry around to get ready for school. They took vitamins to stay healthy and ate the breakfast I made for them and had time to lay in a pile around our golden doodle, petting her head, scratching her belly and letting her lick their little faces. A perfectly ordinary day.

After dropping them off at school, I headed to the health club to work out. On my phone, I checked Facebook before going in and clicked a link left by my friend Marla. A couple of days ago, she asked for prayer for a two year old, Layla Grace. Today, she asked for prayer for a little girl named Faith. Both have been diagnosed with aggressive forms of cancer.

Today, Layla's momma watched her breathe. She and her husband took 6 hour shifts, not to sleep near their two year old daughter, but to sit and watch her breathe. They are trying to wrap their heads around what might happen next. Layla has sisters who love her and a dog and a momma and daddy who don't know what will happen today... what will come of this... how overwhelming this day might be.

Today, Faith's momma met with hospice. Her daughter was diagnosed just 5 days ago and she is talking with nurses about how to keep her sweet girl comfortable. She is watching her daughter tilt her head to see clearly, going to radiation consults and learning things she wishes she never had to know. On this day, she is praying that her sweet Faith is not in too much pain.

I sat in the van outside the health club and cried. Maybe you think I should let it go or maybe because I don't know these people, I should be able to set it aside. But, I can't. I can't because they are real and because these little ones are hurting and because in the midst of all my busy, busy days, I forget how blessed I am.

Because today, my kids don't hurt. They climb into bed with me and smile. They laugh and fight and make mess after mess and they have energy to burn. And the truth is, I take it for granted. While Faith and Layla's mommas face horror and sadness, I get frustrated by the noise. I think these two women would give anything for either of these girls to get up out of bed and make some noise. They ache to have their daughters laughing out loud, waking up too early or petting the dog. And I have all that in spades.

Today is an ordinary day. My house is a mess and I have cooking to do. I have not seen the laundry room floor in weeks. I have bills unpaid and work to accomplish and my kids will be home soon. And I am GRATEFUL. Truly. For the whole of it. So, I am going to go in the kitchen and bake some amazing dessert and then plan a dinner for all of us to share. I am going to pick up dirty socks and clean messy rooms and I am going to see it for what it is. A sign. A sign that my kids are strong and healthy today... healthy enough to make a mess and leave it for me to clean. And while I move from room to room, I am going to pray. I am going to pray for Layla Grace, for comfort and peace and a pain-free day. And I am going to pray for Faith, as well. For her doctors and for her family and for her own peace of mind. I am going to pray for miracles today. The kind of miracle that can heal these girls... and the kind of miracle that is all around me. A perfectly, thoroughly, ordinary day.

Blessings on your day.

Thoughts on 'Tweens: Embracing This Too

Yesterday, Josiah was at a friend's house after school and Elizabeth was playing outside in the snow. As I worked on dinner, I found myself spending time with my oldest boys, both who are entering a new phase of their lives.

It is the season we often fear. It is the part of parenting that pokes persistently at the insecurities we try to hide. The 'tween and teen years sneak up quietly and then jump up unexpectedly scaring us half to death.

With 13 years of parenting behind me and many years left to go, I have often wondered how to manage these upcoming years with purpose and love. As a momma with two busy 'tweens, I spend a lot of time thinking and praying about how to help my sweet boys grow through these years and come out the other side as ready adults. As many of you know, Mark and I had the amazing opportunity to spend the boy's early years living and working with college students. As we plan for the years ahead, we draw (again!) on our experiences with the students we so loved as well as our own lives and experiences.

So, where does that leave us? What goals do we have for parenting 'tweens and teens? Here are some thoughts to share:

1. I will not give up. Sometimes as parents, we get tired and discouraged. I will not give in to those feelings in a way that releases the responsibility I have as a momma to my children. I will continue to walk with them, talk with them and seek to understand them as we journey through this season together.

2. I will raise the standard, no matter what current culture commands. Ever look around and see adults turn a blind eye to the behavior and choices of 'tweens and teens? Why do we do that? I will not expect less from my children just because they are between 11 and 19. That is an 8 year span of their young lives that can be good and full of wonder. It is an 8 year span of life that I want them to reflect on as part of their whole in a way that is positive.

3. Discipline will remain. There is a difference, my friends, between discipline and punishment. I will set the latter aside and lean heavily upon the teaching aspect found in the act of "disciple-ing". When my children become "prickly" in their demeanor, when they stand apart from me in seeking their own independence, they do not need me less. Instead, they need me differently than they may ever have before. They need me to come alongside and gently guide them as they grow in wisdom and courage.

4. I will not be afraid to laugh. Every stage of parenting has held joy for us and I will not assume this will be any different. Instead, I will laugh with my children and let this stage be filled with the fun and funny that the past stages have held, as well. What causes us to smile may have changed, but I want to embrace to joy of this as I embraced it of the last.

5. I will stay close. A teen-age boy does not need less touch from his parents... instead, he may need it more. As he struggles to understand his place in and out of his family, as he wallows through emotions that will not always present as words, a loving touch by a connected parent may be the best and only way through. I will let my embrace, my hand on his back, my kiss on his forehead, say what words may not communicate loudly enough. I love you, son. More than you can know.

6. I will not diminish the feelings that abound. The first crush, falling head-long in love, a crushing disappointment... all of these are real. From my perspective, they may seem small but in the life of my child these experiences literally are their whole, entire life. I will not gloss over what affects them today with a lecture on the grand scheme of their experiences to come. Instead, I will come alongside and listen well and let myself remember what it feels like to be young and hurt or happy or lost.

7. I will foster the development of their faith with the same attentive fervor I tapped in assisting their childhood development. In seeking "teachable moments" with my children, I will work to refrain from preaching or pushing and lean instead on helping them to discover how very LOVED they are. I will encourage them to respond to their own divine calling and to cherish the plan that God has for them in Kingdom. And I will embrace the fact that my kids will grow into this truth as they hear it from a variety of voices. As teachers and pastors and friends encourage a growing faith in my children, I will celebrate the work of many that results in the growth of one.

When I dreamed of having a family, the picture was filled with shining faces of young children playing happily in their own backyard. But, parenting is more than pictures and has less to do with my old dreams and more to do with a gritty love that hangs in tough when the day is long and hard. Parenting is a job that calls us to cuddle babies, change diapers, potty train and teach. But, parenting also requires us to see this work as a lifetime position that will approach the 'tween and teen years with the same breathless anticipation that we felt as our children learned to take their first steps. The comparison is there... physical first steps lead to this place where steps are taken toward maturity and responsibility and growth. That picture holds beauty, too. And I want to embrace it well.

Last night, I had time to sit with my boys and laugh at their jokes. I watched them read and play. I rubbed their backs and kissed their faces. I offered to them something their friends cannot. Parenting and love. A constant in their lives. An acceptance that holds a full understanding of who they are and adores them through it all. No matter what they say, no matter what our culture might want me to believe, that is important and life-changing and good. I am a momma still... and I love my growing boys. What a wonder-full thing to watch the babies they once were grow into the men God has planned for them to be.

Blessings on your day!

Haiti and the Bricks We Hold

I am struggling today. As I go off to work out at the health club and enjoy a healthy snack, as I drink freely from a bottle of clean, cold water, as I write out the ingredients needed for our weekend menu, I am acutely aware that none of this is happening in Haiti. When I was in college, I did a short-term mission trip to the Dominican Republic. We had contact with Dominicans and with Haitians. I saw the poverty for my own eyes and came to love the people living on the island of Hispaniola. Those faces are in my mind today. I cannot set it aside. I probably shouldn't try.

Years ago, Steven Spielberg directed the movie Schindler's List. The whole movie was shot in black and white... the whole movie except one small detail. A red coat. A little girl was seen a handful of times in a tiny, red coat. Why? Why would Spielberg splash a bit of color onto a child's jacket? To make us see. To make us focus. When faced with extreme chaos and despair, we can easily compartmentalize the pain associated with big loss. What breaks our heart? Knowing that it happened to an individual. We may be able to think through the loss of so many Jewish lives... reason it... separate ourselves from it to make it possible to understand it from a distance. This is very difficult when we try to understand the loss of just one child. Just one girl. A girl in a small red coat. Our minds and hearts draw near to one in a way that is different from the pain of millions.

My friends, what happened this week in Haiti happened to individuals. It happened to men and women and children. It happened to people with names... like Grace and Daphne and Cleo. And these people, these children, are sitting there right now while you sit reading this. Except they are likely hungry... and tired... and afraid... and sad.... and feeling terribly hopeless. They are real people, like you and me, and they are awash in extreme need.

What are we to do? What am I to do? What can I teach my children about all of this? I have been thinking about these questions all day long and even spent some time wondering if I am supposed to go. One of the things I have wrestled with today is that my children go about their lives, we all go about our lives, while a whole country cries out in despair. We can easily insulate ourselves from the pain that others are experiencing. But, just because we CAN do so does not make it BEST. How can I help my children to connect to this country, these people, so far from here?

I have hatched a plan to help my children think about Haiti, pray for Haiti and do what they can--in some small way-- for Haiti. Tomorrow will be our day... and this is what we will do:

1. We will get get up and gather for breakfast. Before we eat, each child will share a bit of information about Haiti. I will print these up for them tonight and things to be included will be a map, information about the language they speak, details about the foods they eat, etc...

2. For breakfast, we will eat Haitian food. This is the recipe I am planning on making:

Beyen

Ingredients:
3 ripe bananas
1 T. flour
1/2 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. vanilla
1 T. sugar
1/8 t. baking soda

Directions:
Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Drop teaspoon-full in very hot oil until golden brown. Sprinkle with powdered sugar, if desired.

I don't think this recipe will make very much and maybe that is okay. I am hoping to raise some awareness for my family about what other people live on every, single day.

3. One of my facebook friends has posted some pictures of life in Haiti (before the earthquake) that we will look at together. We also have several friends and acquaintances who are adopting from Haiti right now. We will pray, by name, for these sweet little ones.

4. At lunch time, we will eat Haitian food again. Here is my plan:

Beans and Rice

Ingredients:
2 cups of long grain rice
1 cup of red kidney beans
1 finely chopped onion
1 chopped hot green pepper
1/4 cup salt pork or bacon cut into small cubes
1 tbsp of butter
2 chopped cloves of garlic
2 tbsp of vegetable oil
salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:
1. Cook the beans in 4 cups of water for 2 hours or until tender in a medium pot
2. Drain the beans but keep the water which will be used to cook the rice
3. Fry the salt pork or bacon until crisp (use oil if needed)
4. Add the onion, garlic, and green pepper
5. Add the beans along with salt and pepper to taste
6. Add the water used to cook the beans and bring to a boil
7. Add the rice and cook for 20-25 minutes.

This is a meal that is an absolute staple for many, many people around the world. To be honest, this is a much fancier version of a very basic meal that provides sustenance to those who live on far less than we do, each and every day.

5. After lunch, we will spend some more time in prayer.

6. In the afternoon, we will find a way to help financially. This will be done either through a donation or through a shopping trip to buy supplies. We know several people who are heading to Haiti soon. If they need supplies, that is the way we will go. Otherwise, we will have the kids participate in giving some of their own money to this important cause.

7. Dinner. You guessed it. I have another Haitian recipe.

Chicken in Sauce

Ingredients:

Ingredients
1 (3.5-4 lb) fryer, cut into 1/8 's

1 large onion, sliced thin
1 scotch bonnet pepper, chopped fine
6 garlic cloves, smashed or minced garlic
3/4 cup tomato sauce (have more on hand, if needed)
chicken broth as needed
3 tablespoons sugar
salt, to taste
2-3 limes or lemons
vegetable oil

Directions
1. Wash chicken well & pat dry.
2. each piece with limes/lemons and sprinkle with salt.
3. Heat oil in heavy ovenproof pan.
4. Preheat oven to 375°F.
5. Fry chicken pieces in hot oil.
6. Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine garlic, sugar, tomato sauce and salt; mix well.
7. After 5 minutes of frying the chicken, add sliced onions and chopped pepper, for 5-7 minutes.
8. Remove pan from heat and drain excess oil and add the tomato mixture, stirring well.
9. Place the pan in oven & bake uncovered for 20 minutes or until chicken is cooked completely.
10. Transfer chicken to serving platter
11. Served with diri blanc (plain white rice) - pour sauce over rice.

It is probably important to tell you now that several of my children are pretty picky. I wish this wasn't so and I know that it will make these three meals especially difficult for them. But there is value in that struggle and value in that awareness and value in thinking about life for someone else.

The thing that just breaks my heart is that when I looked for Haitian recipes online today, I had to go by many, many articles on what the poor in Haiti actually eat. Reading these titles broke my heart and caused a deep sense of conviction in me. Our family is deeply blessed... and the truth is, we take that for granted. Even with the financial struggles that have plagued us since the recession began, we STILL have more than people all over the world. And yet, we complain. We worry. We sit in our warm, nice home with food in our bellies and supplies in the cabinets and back-up supplies in the basement. We have socks on our feet and can literally throw away socks with holes! How dare we take that for granted? How dare we not look around ourselves and see this beautiful world full of people and ask ourselves, "What can I do? How can I help?"

So, what did those articles about Haitian food say?

"PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - It was lunchtime in one of Haiti's worst slums and Charlene Dumas was eating mud.

With food prices rising, Haiti's poorest can't afford even a daily plate of rice, and some take desperate measures to fill their bellies.

Charlene, 16 with a 1-month-old son, has come to rely on a traditional Haitian remedy for hunger pangs: cookies made of dried yellow dirt from the country's central plateau.

The mud has long been prized by pregnant women and children here as an antacid and source of calcium. But in places like Cite Soleil, the ocean-side slum where Charlene shares a two-room house with her baby, five siblings and two unemployed parents, cookies made of dirt, salt and vegetable shortening have become a regular meal.

"When my mother does not cook anything, I have to eat them three times a day," Dumas said. Her baby, named Woodson, lay still across her lap, looking even thinner than the 6 pounds, 3 ounces he weighed at birth.

Though she likes their buttery, salty taste, Charlene said the cookies also give her stomach pains. "When I nurse, the baby sometimes seems colicky too," she said.

States of emergency
Food prices around the world have spiked because of higher oil prices, needed for fertilizer, irrigation and transportation. Prices for basic ingredients such as corn and wheat are also up sharply, and the increasing global demand for bio-fuels is pressuring food markets as well.

The problem is particularly dire in the Caribbean, where island nations depend on imports and food prices are up 40 percent in places.

The global price hikes, together with floods and crop damage from the 2007 hurricane season, prompted the U.N. Food and Agriculture Agency to declare states of emergency in Haiti and several other Caribbean countries.

Caribbean leaders held an emergency summit in December to discuss cutting food taxes and creating large regional farms to reduce dependence on imports.

Dirt cookies become bargains
At the market in the La Saline slum, two cups of rice now sell for 60 cents, up 10 cents from December and 50 percent from a year ago. Beans, condensed milk and fruit have gone up at a similar rate, and even the price of the edible clay has risen over the past year by almost $1.50. Dirt to make 100 cookies now costs $5, the cookie makers say.

Still, at about 5 cents apiece, the cookies are a bargain compared to food staples. About 80 percent of people in Haiti live on less than $2 a day and a tiny elite controls the economy.

Merchants truck the dirt from the central town of Hinche to the La Saline market, a maze of tables of vegetables and meat swarming with flies. Women buy the dirt, then process it into mud cookies in places such as Fort Dimanche, a nearby shanty town.

Carrying buckets of dirt and water up ladders to the roof of the former prison for which the slum is named, they strain out rocks and clumps on a sheet, and stir in shortening and salt. Then they pat the mixture into mud cookies and leave them to dry under the scorching sun.

The finished cookies are carried in buckets to markets or sold on the streets.

An unpleasant taste
A reporter sampling a cookie found that it had a smooth consistency and sucked all the moisture out of the mouth as soon as it touched the tongue. For hours, an unpleasant taste of dirt lingered.

Assessments of the health effects are mixed. Dirt can contain deadly parasites or toxins, but it can also strengthen the immunity of fetuses in the womb to certain diseases, said Gerald N. Callahan, an immunology professor at Colorado State University who has studied geophagy, the scientific name for dirt-eating.

Haitian doctors say depending on the cookies for sustenance risks malnutrition.

"Trust me, if I see someone eating those cookies, I will discourage it," said Dr. Gabriel Thimothee, executive director of Haiti's health ministry.

Marie Noel, 40, sells the cookies in a market to provide for her seven children. Her family also eats them.

"I'm hoping one day I'll have enough food to eat, so I can stop eating these," she said. "I know it's not good for me."

I want to share this information with my family. I think beans and rice might taste okay after we read this together. Eating Haitian food will not help Haiti but raising children who understand what is happening in the world around them just might. It just might make it real enough to make them wonder what part they play. It just might make them focus on the "red coat" in Haiti and not turn their backs on the hurt of so many.

Friends, we have to find out what we can do. We have to educate our families and help our children to see that they have a part to play in the lives of people all over the world. We can do that in a way that is positive or negative... but what I want for my family is to help them find a way to be a force for good in the world. I want them to look around and understand that there is a Kingdom being built, God's beautiful Kingdom, and that in each of their little hands they hold one important brick. It is their job as Children of the King to find the right place to carefully, lovingly place their brick. It is a big and important job.

What about you? What brick do you hold? What will you do with it to make a difference today?

Blessings on your day...

Left with Maybe

Yesterday was a long, LONG day in our house. I am not sure what causes these days but I know that they end with children in tears and a momma falling exhausted into bed feeling completely used up.

So much of what happened was little, and standing alone, inconsequential. But, put in a pile, the whole of it was an awful lot. In addition to the general crabbiness that fell on all of us and the impatience that I juggled all day long, I will share some highlights:

-Noah and Benjamin exploded into an argument after a game of INTO (apparently HORSE is too long a word) and Benjamin, nearly 11 years old, stomps off angrily leaving a frustrated Noah behind.

-Shortly thereafter, Benjamin suddenly realizes that it was a swimming lessons day and while he had his suit and his beach towel, he misplaced his goggles. He MUST have his goggles. He searched in absolute vain for goggles that have clearly fallen off the edge of the earth and very nearly made all his siblings late for swimming.

-Elizabeth, having made her sandwich, ignored 3 reminders to clean up her lunch mess and Lexie, our golden doodle, took advantage of the situation and ate an entire package (from Sam's Club) of ham. Three pounds of lunch meat, gone in an instant.

-Josiah, not wanting to complete one of his chores, announces loudly that he doesn't HAVE to do it. He will just not do it. (Mark and I could not have been more surprised to hear this from our most laid-back little one.)

-All the kids spent the afternoon complaining about one thing after another and asking for more screen time. And more snacks. And more activities. And more attention.

-At dinner, a whole glass of sweet tea was spilled everywhere leaving a sticky film across the majority of our dining room.

-At the same dinner, when I asked Mark to please take the children to the library for new books, Josiah announced that daddy should not have to do it since "he does everything".

-In an effort to "help", Elizabeth emptied a tub standing full of water. Hot water. With bubbles in it. The bath I had just poured her.

-There was an insane amount of tattling.

-The children took turns, literally, interrupting my few phone conversations. Each one coming to me individually with different questions, stories, concerns or injuries leaving me fully unable to be on the phone at all.

Ever have a day that leaves you feeling done? A day where it feels like each quarrel, each request, each whine, each complaint literally draws energy out of your very self? Do you ever fall into bed afraid that tomorrow will be more of the same? It happens in our house... does it happen in yours?

This morning, I am weary. But, here is what I know... I woke up this morning and the sun came out. I took a walk with my husband. I heard the birds sing. Josiah woke up and smiled at me. Benjamin and Noah both woke up with books in their hands and stories in their minds. Elizabeth is working hard to start this day differently than yesterday. My children have combed their hair, brushed their teeth and found their shoes. We have eaten waffles and sausage and are ready to start our day. Benjamin has his goggles. No one spilled their orange juice.

Yesterday was not a very good day here. But maybe today will be better. Maybe I will be more patient. Maybe they will bicker less. In that maybe lies a little glimmer of hope. In that maybe I can find a possibility, a chance that today will have more peace and less mess. In that maybe, lies just enough energy for me to pull myself up out of bed and put one foot in front of the other and start. Start today. Start moving. Start parenting. Start loving. Start being.

Sometimes we have a bad day. Maybe today will be better. And the hope tucked inside that 5 letter word is just enough for me.

Rain and Negativity and the 4th of July

Negativity. It sinks in quickly, doesn't it? It does for me. I have been really aware lately of the negativity that surrounds us every day. I hear it on the news, read it in the newspaper and can sense it creep into my thoughts as I go through my days.

Spring came slowly this year. On evening newscasts, the weather man and reporters commented incessantly on how cold it was, questioned why it was not yet warm, and wondered when it would happen. When the weather finally broke, and we truly did have to wait, within 24 hours the same newscasters were complaining that it was too hot, when would we have a cooler day? I noticed it then... heard it in a new way and saw it in myself, as well. Discontent. Frustration with things outside my control. Negativity.

Where do you see this in your own life? Where does it sneak in and take away your joy?

We grow a huge garden every year. Last week, the garden had grown a bit dry and we knew we needed rain. As the holiday approached, we could see it on forecasts all week long. Rain. It was going to rain alright. On the 4th of July.

Come Saturday, all day it was dismal. All day it rained. The clouds hung low as we cleaned the house to prepare for our barbecue. Streams trickled down the street as I boiled potatoes for potato salad and added the perfect spices to our inch-thick hamburgers. Our kids got squirrely and Mark and I struggled for a while with a general crabbiness that seemed to fit the day. Fighting this feeling, Mark took the kids outside to play football and frisbee (simultaneously) in the rain.

Our guests arrived and seeing the children laughing with their dad in the front yard, dripping wet, likely thought we were a little nuts. We grilled under umbrellas and we laughed at each other' stories and our children played. Then, at about 8PM, the clouds broke and we headed to a local park to watch fireworks. We packed umbrellas and a thermos filled with coffee. Upon arrival, we set up our chairs and the announcement was made that the fireworks would start early in hopes of getting them in. Clouds were rolling in again. Looked like rain.

We watched as the sky exploded in color. Fireworks big and beautiful and colorful in a way that a sunny day would have likely led us to overlook. We did what we always do, sit side-by-side with friends and ooooh and ahhhh at the spectacle above.

As we sat watching, drizzle fell and turned to light rain. But, after the show, it broke again and, not wanting to fight traffic, we played frisbee in the dark and stood smiling as our children ran with sparklers lit. As the rain returned, we packed up our things and headed back to the nearly empty parking lot. We drove home with the wipers on and the kids were damp and happy and tired. As we tucked them into bed and fell exhausted onto the couch, I suddenly realized that we did not miss a thing. Yes, it rained. A lot. But, in all honesty, every single thing that we had planned to do that day, we did. We had friends over, grilled out, played outside, watched fireworks, lit sparklers and had a fabulous time. It didn't LOOK like we thought it would. It didn't FEEL like we thought it would. But it was all that we had hoped for and more. And our garden got watered, as well. : )

We could have missed that truth, my friends. We could have missed it altogether. Had we fallen onto couches and spent the night complaining about how the rain ruined everything, we would have missed the joy.

Negativity is a nasty thing. It surrounds us and keeps us believing that we are somehow entitled to having sunny days. It causes us to see the foibles of our children and the weaknesses in our spouse and the smallness of our house and the struggle of our bottom line...and leaves our focus there. The wonder of our children, the kindness of our spouse, the shelter of our home, the lessons in tight budgets, all of this falls away and we are left shaking our empty hands at what we do not have.

We have lived 2.5 years with two houses and two mortgages and a budget that can never really work. I have children who misbehave and have struggles all their own. And sometimes it rains. It did today. A lot. But, I ended the day with three boys snuggled on the couch with me, laughing outloud. We wrapped blankets around ourselves and I loved the way they felt, warm and cozy and close to me. A warm and sunny day would not have given me that moment. A cold and rainy day caused it to play out just like that.

I know some days are hard. They are hard for me, too. I know this time of struggle leaves us frustrated and often in need. I know. I really, really do. But, I also know this. I have this day. I am still here. I have these children all around me. I have a husband who loves me and plays with his kids. I have a life that is simple but true. And I am not entitled to anything at all. I have not earned this beauty. How could I? I have been deeply blessed and can see God's hand in it all... offering me this gift. Handing me well-wrapped gifts of my children's giggles, Mark's hand in mine, and food on the table. I sit surrounded by all that He has made and the wonder of creation is clear... and sometimes it needs rain. It is blessed by rain. And sometimes blessed in spite of rain. Like me. Deeply blessed in spite of all that seems to fall around me. I will not be distracted by what does not look or feel like I thought it would. Instead, I choose to hunt for what is good... and that hunt always ends well.

Today, I will push the negativity aside and squint to see what is freely given my way. This life. Good and gritty and simple and clear. And that is just enough. I will not ask for more.

Banned!

I believe that words have power. From the time our children learned to speak, we passed this lesson on to them. Words have power to get you a snack, to make your momma smile, to hurt your brother's heart. Even though our children are much older now, it is not unusual to hear Mark or me say "Use your words, Benjamin." when his passion or impulsivity or erupting joy risk getting the best of him. We remind all the children to think things through and talk it out on a regular basis. (And I am ever grateful to my friend Denise, who first used these words within earshot of my mold-able mommy brain with her first-born, Michaela.)

Words have power to accomplish things outside of ourselves and to impact our relationship with others. And, words have power to effect great change within us, as well. When we speak our frustration in anger, that frustration has a foothold from which to expand. When we give sarcasm a place, it increases the critical eye with which we see those around us. (This is an area that is a struggle for me, especially.) And when we complain and criticize on a regular basis, it becomes exceedingly difficult to find a place of contentment. Our words send a message to our brains, but this is a message that we can seek to direct. In being kind, in being positive, in being patient, we tell ourselves all kinds of wonderful things about our family, our life, our current situation.

And so it came to be that we banned a word in our house. It goes without saying that, in reality, we have banned MANY words. But, the summer is a special time and we add to that list a word that, as a teacher, I had heard far too often. This word can be a response to a lull in activity, a request to be entertained, a complaint about the level of excitement. And yet, it is a cop-out of sorts and a criticism of situation that is often unwarranted. Have you guessed the word? The word is BORED.

As in (prepare your best whine here):

"Mom, I'm bored!"

Now, you all know we have lived on a ridiculously tight budget for the past 2.5 years. But, even in our "time of less" my children have plenty of toys and plenty of games and plenty of books, all in addition to a yard to-die-for! In addition to all these amazing things-to-do, they have another bonus! We tell them often that we have given them each three gifts that they get to play with and enjoy for the rest of their lives! Each of my sweet babies has been blessed with the gift of three other siblings! (This is how we try to help them see these other little people with whom they are forced to share most minutes of their lives... for the good and the bad found together.)

We didn't start out with a plan to ban the word bored. To be honest, when my kids were very little, it was a word they just didn't know. Mark and I do not use it and so it somehow wasn't taught. As they got older, they picked it up, tried it out and I quickly realized that hearing my curious, energetic, relational, busy children claim boredom was somehow offensive to me. It just didn't fit. With a house full of toys created and purchased to spark their little brains, with more bookshelves than space to house said shelves, with room to play and siblings to engage and general positive attitudes, where might this boredom originate? It felt to me like hearing someone say, "I do not feel like entertaining myself. Will you?" It felt like hearing, "None of these toys quite do it for me. Get me something else." It felt like hearing, "My life is not quite measuring up to my standards. Fix it for me." And, overall, I just didn't like it.

Add to this our belief that words have power to effect what we think and feel. Boredom begets boredom! We have found that when our children do not use that word, they do not see the world as something that they look at in terms of what it is offering them. They see their part in making this day good. They see that their experience today has much to do with what they put into it. Now, at 12, 10, 6 and 5, they would not put it quite that way. : ) They would say that mom does not let them say that word. They would say that when they don't know what to do, they need to think a little bit harder. They would say that the world is a pretty cool place with lots of stuff to do.

Even with the word banned, we still see signs of boredom from time-to-time. Noah has been known to say, "I feel like I want to do something, but I am not sure yet what it is." A bit more verbally cumbersome than "I am bored." but similar in meaning... and yet quite different. The focus here is on Noah needing to think of what is next for him. The focus is communication that there is a lull... with an eye to the fact that it is temporary. It is not so much complaint as comment. I can live with that.

So, for years and years, we have kindly requested that our children leave this word at the door. We have provided some structure, some direction to their long summer days and in taking out a word that sends a negative message, we have given room to their natural curiosity to look outside and see a world of opportunity, to look inside and see toys re-purposed, to look at a sibling and see an adventure waiting to unfold. It is a paradigm shift in the life of a child that empowers them to see the part they play in having a great day.

The next three months will hold nearly 100 long days. All of these days will be lived out in the wonder of creation which is anything but boring. I have a chance to help my children see the wonder in it all. I have the chance to help them learn to think, to play, to make room in their frenetic lives for momentary stillness. Banning this word and encouraging my children does not, however, let me off the hook. Behind all these opportunities for free-play lies planning and organizing that leaves less room for being bored.

Keep reading for what we are working on and playing toward this summer... I will post again soon!

Blessings on your day!