Carpooling and Surprised by Grace

Sometimes, I am still surprised.  I know that people say that the world is cruel place, that we have to be careful, that we should not go off trusting people willy-nilly.  And so sometimes, I am surprised to find that much of this distrust is unnecessary and much of it is false.

Noah started high school this year and made the soccer team as well.  Our days and nights are full and carefully planned.  There are games and practices and activities and things that draw his attention and ours.  And while all of this is shiny and new, the lives of our other three children are brimming over with things that are new to them.  One is learning to read on a brand new level.  Another is finding the balance needed when homework increases and friends abound.  Another is juggling middle school demands with academic expectations and all of it is important to them... and to us.

As we planned for fall, it became evident that we could not be at everything for everyone.  A tricky thing for us since we have tried, thus far, to be present at those things our kids take on.  So, we jumped into a car-pool and  Noah found himself driving to and from games with 4 of his buddies and one of their folks.  In this group, we take our turn.  Now, truth be told, I was thrilled that we could find a group that was willing to share this load with us.  The decision, at the outset, was practical and good.  So, imagine my surprise when it became far more than that.

Imagine my surprise when a mom comments on my son's character in a way that brings grateful tears to my momma-eyes.  Imagine my surprise when it is my day to drive carpool and another mom offers to take my little ones so they do not have to spend so much time in the van.  Imagine my surprise when being present at a game will keep me from picking up another child from school and yet another mom steps up and offers her home for him to hang out in until one of us can pick him up.  Imagine...

The list can go on and on and I find myself humbled and grateful to be so regularly surprised.

Sometimes, I think we allow ourselves to feel all alone in the world.  Sometimes, we lock our doors and peer out the windows assuming that what is found on the other side is dark and scary and bad.  We assume that those who draw close are planning to take from us in some way and we allow this fear to push us away from reaching out.  And maybe, we have been hurt.  Maybe, you have found that there are those who do not seek to help, who do not speak words of encouragement, who are hard or selfish or mean...

But, here is what I am learning this year... I am learning that what I expect has a lot to do with what I see.  And I am learning that there are good people around me who help because they choose to help.  And I am learning that being near them makes me expect more from myself... makes me want to offer more to others... makes me navel-gaze a little less and look around to see what I can offer to those who are sitting beside me.    Because the truth is, there is a lot of good out there... but we have a part to play as well.

Last week, I found myself across the table from a dear, old friend.  She listened as I told about my work as a speaker and a writer.  After a few minutes, she leaned back and said, "I can totally see you doing this.  You have always been able to talk to a crowd and communicate well."  She went on to reflect on things she has seen in me over many years of friendship.  Her kind words washed over me and, all over again, I was lost in the wonder of kindness.  I was reminded how it matters what we do.  I was reminded that it matters what we say.  And I was reminded, deeply, that the work we do as mommas can leave us hungry for such affirmation.

So today, let's look around a bit.  Let's look at those around us in a brand new way and let God nudge us in the way we should go.  Let's be open to lending a hand, offering a compliment, and being a wave of needed grace in the life of someone nearby.  Because the world is what we make of it... and finding a way to connect to others and allow them to do the same makes it an awfully sweet place to be.  We have the chance, today, to be the hands and voice of God to the people He dearly loves.

It's strange to me to think that those who have taught me these lessons just might read this blog.  I think they will wonder why their kindness strikes me... it seems to be so much a part of how they are wired.  So, if that is you, just know this... Kindness matters and for all your gentle words and times of conversation, for all your offers of help and time spent driving, for all you are teaching me and for all you offer my boy, thank you.  Thank you. It is in the ordinary living of life in community that I am reminded of the richness of grace.

Blessings on your day.

Blogs YOU Like...

Last week, I asked you to send some blogs my way. I had a fantastic time looking them over and honestly just loved every minute of that time. Below are some, not all, of the ones you sent. I do not know any of these people but really enjoy their sites.

http://orangette.blogspot.com/ --Amazing recipes!


http://dancingwithcats.blogspot.com/ --A friend and honest Momma...


http://thepioneerwoman.com/ --Lots of down-home advice, ideas and recipes... LOVE IT.


http://www.saussie.com/ --Pet lover and photographer, cool site!


http://romp-roll-rockies.blogspot.com/ --Dog lover and interesting stuff.


http://michellearlotta.blogspot.com/ --Photographer... gorgeous work.


http://www.theotherendoftheleash.com/ --Intriguing blog about training dogs and their connections to us.


http://thesmallbeginnings.blogspot.com/ --thoughtful and thought-provoking... honest.

Read away, my friends! Feel free to send more my way. I love to see well-loved blogs. Some of the others that I read are listed in the right hand margin on my site... really love Bring the Rain... so honest. And as always, feel free to forward this blog to anyone who may enjoy what's here. New readers always make me smile. : )

Blessings on your day!

And Now for Something Entirely Different...

I am a sucker for community. Love to create it, to observe it, to nurture it. It has, in my life, been a very shaping and important thing. I have been a part of educational communities, faith communities, work communities, social communities... the list is truly endless. I have trained on it and grown in it and found again and again how crucial it is to me.

Over the past year, I have thought often about the online community and it's place in the world today. There are many who believe there is a falseness to it... a disconnectedness found in the distance within. But, it seems to me that the idea of an online community of people who are, in some way, intertwined with one another is changing and growing and becoming something that is much more real than it had been before.

The world of blogging is an integral part of all that. It brings us together based on experience or knowledge or a random series of events that can bind us somehow. Even here, as we talk about our lives as women, as moms, as people who love and think and seek out something intentional, there is community being created that occurs mainly, not because but in spite of me. And when I hear from you through email or posts, it makes it all so real to me... that we are in it together and that what we live is real and good.

So, let's try something new! This week, as you read this blog and any others, forward them to someone who may not find it any other way. Let's be purposeful about building this community and welcoming new friends to join us as we go. Know a mom who could use some encouragement? A friend who seeks to be intentional in her parenting? A co-worker who likes to think it through? Forward this blog to their in-box or send them a link to this site. And as you do that, I would love to know what other blogs you read. Share some ideas about someone else's site that we all may enjoy as well.

Because the truth is, we are in this together. You may be sitting in Michigan or California or Massachusetts but there is something about sharing in this way that helps us to feel a little less like strangers all over the world and a little more like neighbors sharing a cup of well-brewed coffee. I love that picture... and love what we can discover together.

So, let's do it! Let's expand this community and build new connections and encourage one another this way. It will only take a minute to share a link with a friend... and how grateful they will be that you have thought of them, remembered them, saw them today.

Blessings on your day!

Oprah and Ipods and Twitter and Email and How We Lose Our Way

This morning on the Oprah Show, a challenge was issued to a techno-savvy family to set aside their electronic distractions and focus more on each other. Not a new concept, but today it made me think.

What are the things that draw our attention away from the people we value most in life?
Why do we let this happen?
Is there anything we can about it all?

I am often amazed at how far technology has come. With a smart-phone and a laptop and an ipod in tow, I am able to be in contact at all times, keep up with all breaking news stories from anywhere in the world at all times, listen to music, watch favorite programs, take care of business and play electronic games at all times. There is great fun in that and in some ways, great necessity. The expectation is that anyone at all can reach me right now at any time of day or night. Stepping out of that is difficult... and the cost to me could be great. If I delay in responding to a request for a speaker, that engagement may be booked by someone else. We can lose opportunities and the worry of that keeps us checking, phoning, texting, twittering, on and on an on.

But, what's the flip side? What might it cost us personally to be so totally accessible and screen-glued day and night?

Mark and I have talked a lot about trends that have developed in families over the past 10 years. We have observed, as you have, families who go out to eat together while mom and dad check cell phones, teens listen to ipods and text their friends and children play hand-helds in worlds of their own. Seems like it all sneaks up on us... a little at a time.... until we look up one day and realize that we have not talked, really talked, to our family in months. We don't mean to get so caught up. But in our effort to stay connected to the fast moving world outside, our connections to those we love most dearly can easily fall away.

In our family, we are trying to choose a different path. I don't know if it will work but I know I want to try to keep a handle on techno-distractions so that we can stay connected to one another. Here are some boundaries that we have created to help us do just that:

1. Video games are for weekends and vacations (not school days) and are to be used in tandem. We want to build community in our home. Doing these things together can do just that.

2. Mark and I have cell phones and we have an extra phone available for use by a child who needs it. This is new to us this year and is mainly available to our 7th grader. It is NOT his phone but instead is a family phone that he is allowed, on occasion, to use.

3. Ipod use is encouraged in community. Make a play list and let us all learn to love the music you enjoy. We use speakers in our home to listen to our Ipod music together. Listening alone is great for walking the dog or a bit of down-time. It is not great for time together or for use at meals.

4. All screens are in public places. The accountability this creates is important. This is true for all computers and televisions. Screen time is limited and available after homework and chores are completed and time has been spent reading and practicing music.

It is our hope that these guidelines help us to keep the positive aspects of all these gadgets without compromising our connection to one another. While it is fun to keep culturally current, 10 years from now, I want to know that my children are close to one another, that they know how to have a verbal conversation, that they know their parents and that we know them. We want to look back and see that providing electronic devices for our children worked to help us meet the goals we set for our time together and did not, instead, detract from that.

It is all a tricky thing and something we are still working out in our own home. It is not perfect, not at all. I am still on the laptop too much and Mark has office tasks that must be done at home, after hours. But, knowing what we are working toward is helpful in reigning it all in. Because in the end, I only have today to listen to Noah's middle school worries. I only have today to think through a 5th grade science project with Benjamin. I only have this one day to see Josiah's eyes twinkle when he tells me, toothlessly, about recess in first grade. And, I only have today to watch Elizabeth pretend she is going to school on Saturdays and Sundays, backpack in tow. Tomorrow, all of this will fall away and knowing that I kept current with email and Twitter will not hold the importance that I am giving it now. Should I give it all up? Turn my back on technology like the Oprah Show talked about today? If I find a way to strike a balance... and teach that very thing to my kids... the benefit of all this stuff can enhance my life instead of drag me away. Seems like a lofty goal but one worth working for today.

What about you? What needs to be tweaked in your own home to meet the goals that matter most for your family today? What stands between you and your babies knowing one another well? Think about it some. There are choices to be made. Knowing what you want, what you value, what you desire to give your children will help you find the way. And when you are sitting together one night, laughing over a board game or shared inside joke, making that choice will be worth all the work and worry. This I know for sure.

Blessings on your day.

Internet, Connection and Kingdom

The internet is a funny thing. It has tremendous power to connect or destroy, to build up or demolish. It can help us to accomplish what we feel most called to do... or keep us from that very thing. How we choose to use this tool is the greatest deciding factor in what the outcome will be... an important choice to make.

Over the past year, I have started to read a wide variety of blogs. One thing that has been so interesting to me is following a blog trail... one blog that leads to another that leads to another, and so on... And in doing so, I have landed on a variety of interesting reads.

Perhaps it all began with reading Lysa Terkhurst's blog after hearing her speak at Hearts at Home. Lysa's blog was an extension of her speaking ministry and in that way, I was being encouraged by her written words building on those she'd spoken. I think it was Lysa's blog that led me to Angie's blog. Angie's blog was a new experience for me... raw, painful, faithful and true, I was drawn into the lessons and thoughts she bravely shared after the loss her sweet newborn. Somewhere along the way, I ended up Marla Taviano's blog and was drawn into the day to day living and enthusiasm that she shares regularly. It was Marla's blog that connected me to The Mac's Blog the week that their daughter, Cora, was first diagnosed with cancer. For the first time, I was drawn into someone else's story, not as a memory, but as something currently happening in real time. As I hugged my little ones, they hugged their Cora. As I prayed with my children for dinner, they prayed for healing for their girl. And as I attended a wedding in Nashville, their sweet baby died of cancer only weeks after being diagnosed.

As I read Cora's story, I felt compelled to pray. I prayed for this family, unknown to me personally, as though we were life-long friends. I prayed for healing, for comfort, for peace. I prayed as Cora struggled. I prayed as Cora died. I prayed still today for Cora's parents, Joel and Jess, as they continue to piece together a life that looks nothing like they had expected just 8 months ago.

Blog to blog, connections made. It is all so facinating to me likely because this way of connecting is really pretty new. But, I believe there is value in what is happening this way... value in the world being connected via blogging or facebook or twitter... value in the Kingdom of God being revealed like this. And, at the core, that is what it all feels like to me. A glimpse into the Kingdom that I might not have otherwise seen. A glimpse into the simple, ordinary lives of people just like me... and in willingly taking that glimpse, a bridge is being built. A bridge is being built that helps me to see that Joel and Jess and Lysa and Angie and Marla are an awful lot like me. We have something to share... some ordinary moment, some lesson we have learned, some funny statement or homey recipe or sincere need, that connects us in a way that is very much the way God builds His Kingdom. Because the truth is, I don't know Joel and Jess. I don't know them at all. But, they had a need and I could help. They needed prayer... lots and lots of prayer. They have traveled a road that most of us cannot even begin to imagine and what they need is not another meal or a pat on the back or a sypathetic, spoken cliche. What they need is for someone to cry out for them... pray for them... be WITH them in any way at all... so that they can find strength and be eased from their pain and be comforted by The One who comforts best. I can do that. I want to do that.

I think it was Angie's blog that lead me to MckMama's Blog. Have you heard about it? Oh, my dear friends, there is a family who needs your help. Their baby, Stellan, has an issue with his heart and is very, very ill. With three other children (all very young) at home, MckMama is being airlifted with her husband to a hospital in Boston in hopes of finding some help for their baby Stellan. We cannot make this baby well. But, we know The One who can. Pray with me for this young family and for the doctors who will work with Stellan today.

Every now and then, we can see a little glimpse into what God's Kingdom is coming to be. Every now and then, we look around and see how He has connected us. It may be a new way of connecting and yes, it is very different from meeting over a cup of coffee at Panera... but, it matters. It is why we log onto the internet, why I visit blogs, why you visit here. In some small way, we are sticking out our hands and hoping that someone on the other side reaches out and grabs on tight. In a world that has grown more divided than ever before, the internet can provide a way for us to sit on the porch and wave to our neighbors, though they may be a world away. It's no substitute for java and face-to-face chat, but it does provide a way for us to add on to that. It gives us a way to see something bigger... to meet someone new... to connect in a way that likely could not happen without broadband to tie the knot.

There is something comforting about knowing we are part of something bigger than ourselves. There is something humbling about knowing we can play a part in the life of another. These feelings come from the fact that we are made to be in relationship with one another. We are created to seek connection and to lend a loving hand. Can you see it? If we choose, we can squint our eyes and see a part of the Kingdom we might have missed. It is not more important, or less, than the corner we sit in right now... but it is a part of it nonetheless. As I sit here right now, a baby is being airlifted to Boston. I don't know him at all. But I know his story and I know his need and it is my privilege to pray for Stellan. I hope you will pray with me.

On Blogging and Brazil and Facebook and Finland

Spending time reflecting on the minutiae of my daily life has been helpful to me. Looking at my life surrounded by these precious little lives and wondering what I need to learn from them deepens this experience for me. And, writing about it can help those lessons and memories to stick. Originally this had been the hope and plan for this simple blog. Over time however, that view has changed, adjusted, become something new.

As I poke around my blog and hear from regular readers, I am reminded that this work of mothering may feel a titch lonely from time to time. But actually, it is done in vast community with others all over this amazing planet. I do not think I would be aware of this had I not chosen to blog but the reality of it is both comforting and humbling.

I was blog-surfing today and came across my blog listed on someone else's site. I have never met them and they live far away. But, to me, it was another reminder about how connected we really are... how our work in raising little ones is, at its very core, so similar. We may live in Alaska or Florida or somewhere in between, but we all woke up this morning, put our weary feet on the floor and began the day by responding to the needs of someone who is likely not old enough to vote. And, together, we will cook and clean and kiss and cuddle through this long and sunny Saturday until all are safe in bed and we fall, fatigued, into the same.

Every week, I help to run a MOMs Group with a great group of enthusiastic women. A few weeks ago, we wandered off-task into a discussion about Facebook. There are so many women who are in this stage of motherhood that have found there way to that site. We wondered together why there was so much enthusiasm for Facebook among this very busy group. Our talk together revealed some truth about our lives. While we love our families and we love our children and we would not change a thing... we can get a little lonely. We weary from talking in three word sentences and spending the day forgetting ourselves. We long for connection outside our home and seek to find that which we are doing, every single day, is also happening somewhere else. Please hear me... this work of mothering is worth it and full and glorious and good... but sometimes we get a little tired. Sometimes, we feel a little alone.

In finding my way to blogging, I never would have guessed that I would be able to connect to others all over the world. In the past month alone, folks have wandered in here from Malaysia, Canada, Argentina, Ireland, Finland, Belgium, Switzerland, Poland, Brazil, and 24 of the 50 states. My dear friends, can you see it? You are not alone. You are not alone. This is just one simple blog, one mom's thoughts on life with her family. But, standing all around us are moms from all over the world, doing exactly what we do. They are loving on their children, trying to find a minute to themselves, and looking for connection. Just like you. Just like me. This picture in my head is wonderful and rich and seeped in the kind of community that can renew our vision for what we really do. This picture of mommas in Brazil and Finland both embracing their babies makes me smile and feel encouraged. And maybe, just maybe, in imagining that scene somewhere else, I can see anew the importance of what I am doing today.

It is Saturday. I am home with my two youngest and the day is spread out before me. As I finish this blog, I am going to go upstairs, get dressed, and get my kids ready for a walk outside. We are going to take our dog and we are going to let the Spring sun fall upon our faces. We are going to sit at a baseball game and cheer for our team and we are going to wander outside looking for proof that Winter has ended and a new season has come. What about you? What does this Saturday hold for you? Wherever you are today, whatever you are doing, remember that there are others who laugh with you, share your frustration and know the minutiae of your ordinary day. And they know, like you, that there is power in the simplest moment; your child's arms around your neck, the peaceful breath of a newborn, the reckless abandon of a child at play, the kiss that you place on the forehead of your child. We all see that. Together. All over the world.