A Letter to My Children-- To Save Their Sanity and Mine

Today, I will take a brief break from blogging to write a helpful letter to my children. :)

Dear Children,

You know I love you all to pieces and think you are each as cute as a bug's ear. That said, I would like to send you a bit of information that might help our life together go a bit more smoothly than it did this morning. Ready? Here we go!

1. When we lovingly tuck you into your beds at night, it is helpful to go to sleep. When you do so, you would be amazed at how awake you feel in the morning. It will be so much easier to get up! You know, unlike today.

2. When a teacher gives you an assignment, months in advance, it is likely because the assignment will take a very, very long time to do. Starting the work is not the same as finishing it. Trying to finish it at 9:00PM will likely not work. Going to bed at 11:30PM with said assignment almost done will not lead to a spunky morning. Remember this morning?

3. When momma calmly wakes you up and tell you to take a quick 5 minute shower before school, please do not lock the door and hang out in there for 20 minutes. You will not be able to get to school on time. Your siblings will not be able to brush their teeth. Like, um... today.

4. When your sister is in your way and you are in a hurry, it is likely a better choice to use your words to get her to move, rather than using your hands. It makes her mad. Really mad. She doesn't think clearly when mad. Like this morning.

5. When your brother "gently" moves you out of the way, it is never a good idea to swing your coat around and whip him on the arm. This gets you in more trouble than it gets him in. If you don't do this, he will be in trouble for moving you. If you do decide to do this, you will be in trouble for bruising your brother. I believe we learned this lesson this morning. Right?

6. When your mother has made dinner for the family all week, baked a special meal for the all the teachers and cooked home-made chicken soup for an appreciation luncheon at school and then asks you what you did with the sandwich she made you for lunch, never, ever tell her you threw it out. This is upsetting to her. Maybe this was unclear... well, maybe it was til this morning.

7. When you momma tells you that the shirt you want to wear is too small. Don't take it from your little brother anyway. It fits him. It doesn't fit you. It will make your morning crazy because you will then have no shirt laid out to wear. You know, like this morning?

8. If school says to dress up like you are Australian, it does not mean that you really have Australian clothes. Because, we don't. No matter what you do, no matter what you wear, you will still likely look like a child from the suburbs... just one dressed in khaki shorts and a cowboy hat. The reason it doesn't look perfect is because, well... it isn't. That's okay. Don't then ask your mom for more safari clothes. I am not sure there really is a safari in Australia anyway. Just grab some binoculars and call it good. We should have gone over this all this morning.

9. When one child is crying because of bruised arm, one child is crying because of a time-out, one child is crying because his homework is undone and one child cannot figure out why everyone else is crying, it is not, under any circumstances, the right time to ask momma a question. She will not like it. She might raise her voice. She will use her angry eyes. Like this morning.

10. When the morning is crazy and everyone cries and some people get hurt and some work is still undone and the milk is left out and the eggs are not quite right and you throw out your sandwich and the house is loud and it all just feels bad, remember this: Momma loves you. I love you when you are good. I love you when you are confusing. I love you when you are naughty and frustrating and stubborn. I love you because you are mine. I love you because God gave you to me and He knows we need each other. I love you because you are you. Even this morning. Especially this morning. I love you.

Forever and Ever,

Your Momma.

Blessings on your day!

Crabby

I got up late.
I slept too little.
I am tired and I am worn and I need a break.

Today, all of it feels like discipline. Getting up. Being a good mom. Making breakfast, driving to school, giving kisses, offering patience. I want to put on a happy face but this morning, I am not feeling it at all.

The weather keeps flip-flopping and my kids are squirrely and my house is loud and the laundry is undone and no matter how hard I try, I cannot keep up. The noise... oh, the noise. Some days listening to my precious little ones laugh and play out loud makes me smile inside and out. But some days, like THIS day, the constant nature of the talking and yelling and yes, even the laughing is like nails on a chalkboard and I am aching for some little bit of peace.

I hate days like this. I hate feeling sour and crabby. I hate when I fall short of my own expectations... to be a good wife, a loving mom, a woman of grace and truth. Knowing I am not being the person I want to be makes the whole thing a lot worse. It makes me sink down into this hole of mine and wallow in the muck within. Does this ever happen to you?

So today, once the kids were at school, I went to the gym and complained to Mark that I really didn't want to go. I got on the cross-trainer and set the level and started to work out a bit. I gave myself a little slack. One level less than yesterday felt a lot like a gift on a crabby day. I met my goal and headed to floor to stretch. Everything was so tight... so wound up... gently pulling and pushing released a bit and then off I went to the machines. I lifted and lowered and squeezed and squatted and left when I'd had enough. Listening to what I needed helped an awful lot. Leaving the gym, I felt a little bit better... I was working from the outside in.

Once home, I putzed at some business matters, returned email and spent a few minutes searching the Internet for supplements (vitamins) I might be lacking. Every supplement that I read about we had on hand and I went to the kitchen to take some vitamins and handle this awful emotion from the inside out.

I took a shower... and took my time... and found clothes that felt comfortable and used lotions I love. A little bit of pampering goes a very long way. And all the while I talked to God... asked Him to help me out.

"This isn't how I want to be..."

"My family deserves so much more..."

"I want to feel better and more grateful today..."

And slowly, it started to lift... the fog of day was wafting away and I started to feel more like me. Now, truly... the day was far from perfect and the fatigue stayed with me throughout. But, I found a little relief there... a little break from the crabby that had been weighing me down.

So, there you are. Do you feel crabby today? Are you left with less choices because your arms are still full or you have a little one still at your feet? Yes, my break from my children was a wonder today but it was not what helped me out.

When was the last time you asked yourself, "What do I need?" and then waited patiently for the answer to arise? Take a breath, my friend... and wonder a sec. What do you need? Our lives are full and we are busy but the fact remains that those things that we need are not born of selfishness. Our needs are born from our created selves. Because, the truth is we are here to offer ourselves up... and to allow ourselves to take in. It is not a matter of right and wrong... it is a matter of how we are made. So really... what is it? What do you need today?

When I had four little ones, all at home, I found myself weary a lot. Sure, I loved those days and the memories are warm, but goodness, I was all worn out! For me, it took very little to start to feel a bit better inside... a minute alone, a good cup of coffee or a treat from a drive-thru... all of it went a long way for me. I have even gone so far as to buy my favorite chocolates and hide them away in a cabinet so that when I needed a little treat, I knew it would be there to enjoy. During the crazy season, little things meant a lot and I tried to build them into our busy days.

There are so many things that throw us off. Expectations dashed. Undesired behavior. Crazy schedules. Hormonal shifts. All of it hits us and all of it matters and all of it can make us feel a little (or a lot) crabby sometimes. And that's okay. We have earned those days. But, I know for myself, that I don't want to sit there. I don't want to wallow away. And when it hits, we have to have a plan... an idea... about what might just help us to handle it all.

One more thing... cut yourself some slack. If you are having a day when it all seems dark, it might be okay to allow your kiddos to watch an extra program, play with some play dough or spend some time doing something you might otherwise limit a lot. Sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to get through the day. And that is really just fine. It's not everyday, my friend. It's just for now. To help you out. Because that is what you need.

So, let's take a deep breath together. Some days are hard and some are not. If you find yourself having one of those days, do what you need to do. Give yourself a break, have your hubby bring home take-out, stick your feet in your little one's bath. Tomorrow is another day... a better one, I bet. You and I hope for that together.

Blessings on your day...