It's Okay to Need a Break...

The house is quiet.  I am grateful.

My older boys are away this week and we are missing them already.  The little ones are reading and while I can hear lawn mowers outdoors and the clicking of my keys as I type, there is otherwise no sound to take up the space in my brain.

Yes, grateful.

The summer months have a way of filling up and getting loud and demanding attention and activity.  But sometimes, I need to sit and be still and breathe deeply in a calm and quiet space.

You, too?

It's okay, you know, to take a minute and step outside and let the chaos continue away from you while you soak up the silence that can refresh your self.  It's okay to need it and okay to seek it and okay to know that your day is better if you can just find a break.

You are not the only momma who has locked the bathroom door, who has sat in the van while parked in the driveway, who has put on the TV and then walked away.  You are not the only momma who looks at the calendar filled with 80+ summer days and wondered what to do with all that time.  You are not the only one.

So, if it is getting kinda loud and your nerves are fried and you are finding yourself answering in a terse, tight tone, give yourself a minute and find a quiet space and take some intentional deep breaths.  Watch the leaves on the trees dance in the breeze and let yourself unwind just a little, tiny bit.  Or better yet, open that same door and send the kids outside and make a quick cup of coffee to sip while you sit still in the house doing absolutely, positively nothing at all.

Because sometimes you need a break.

We all do.

And, it's okay.

Blessings on your day.

Who Gets to Choose?

:::A blog post about Mommas that could be about Daddy's too:::


Cookies or chicken for dinner?

Play video games all night or rest well?

Play outside or in?

Study or not?

Stretch your comfort zone or stay settled?

Which would your kids choose?

This parenting gig is tricky.  Sixteen and a half years ago, my first born was placed in my arms and my husband and I began this walk together.  Some days, we have chosen paths for them (and for us) that are easy and agreeable.  But, some days the choices are cloudy and we rely heavily on our limited wisdom and experience to decide what is needful for our children and what truly matters to our family and try as we might, the "right-ness" of those decisions can be a little less sure than we hope.

It is hard to know what is best...

But, of this I am sure:  my children are not the best judges of what is best for them.  Left to their own devices, they would choose as children choose and I think I am glad for this because it does, in fact, prove that my sweet babies are blessed with a lives that allow them to be children.  Not everyone has been offered this privilege.  But, given that they are young and their view is limited and their goals for themselves are sometimes smaller than need be, the choices made on their behalf can sometimes be met with resistance.

What's a momma to do?

What's a momma to do when she knows that piano lessons are truly a gift and the child doesn't feel like practicing?  What's a momma to do when she knows the value of fruits and veggies and unprocessed foods and the child is sure that a bag of chips and a cookie provides more than enough protein to get by?  What's a momma to do when she knows that being present with those you are present with means more than texting the person who is elsewhere and the child is sure that being in contact electronically with many matters more than seeing the face of the one nearby?  What's a momma to do when she knows that camp experiences matter, that growth and laughter come out of relationship and community and that kids learn much about themselves when they step out in faith and the child is sure that it matters most to be still and home and without plan or structure?

What's a momma to do?

It is all so hard.

But today, I am reminding myself that on that day when I first held my son, I had to learn a new reliance on God.  Because, left to my own devices, my choices can be much like those of my children.  Today, I am reminding myself, that these four children have been entrusted to me.  Not given to me.  And for the very few years that I get to share with them, it is my job to seek wisdom and to act on it.  And there is nothing easy about that.  But the truth is that I did not just get the title of  "Mom", I got the job itself.  And within that endless job description, we will find points like these:

~The Mom will deeply know each child.  She will learn about their God-given strengths and weaknesses.

~The Mom will find ways to enforce said strengths and build up such weaknesses.

~The Mom will find opportunities for her children to learn and grow in ways that are needful and ways that are fun.

~The Mom will provide a home that serves as a launching pad, preparing her children for the necessary life lessons and experiences that her children will encounter.

~The Mom will provide a home that serves as a landing pad, welcoming home from experiences and enfolding her children back into family life again and again and again.

~The Mom will pray and dream for her children.

~The Mom will listen to the words and hearts of her children.

~The Mom will stand firm in what she feels is right and needful, even in the face of childhood adversity.

~The Mom will teach her children to choose well by allowing them to practice but will never give a choice where a choice is not given.

There is no end to this list.  No end.

The truth is we have to actually be the Mom.  And what that means is that I will act out of love on behalf of my kids.  When they like it.  And when they don't.

Which is hard.

So yes, they will eat their veggies, practice piano, volunteer their time, turn off the TV, stretch their comfort zones, do their homework and be held accountable to the whole of it.  Not because I am mean but because I love them dearly and because every day God allows me a little glimpse into who they might become.  And some days they can see that, too.  But some days they cannot.  So, while we are here together, I am going to try to focus on the big picture and stand up for what is needful and pray and pray and pray for them even when they fuss about what we choose.  Even when it is hard and I am weary and we do not all agree.

Because, I am their Mom.  And because he is their Dad.  And the job is big and difficult and beautiful and today, I choose to do it.  Out of the big-ness of this love, I choose to do it.

Blessings on your day.

Planning for Summer: Details #3

The other night, we were burning old sticks and other yard waste in our fire pit out back.  The fire has a way of mesmerizing us and slowly each member of our little family came to stand around the growing flame.  The yard fell quiet and we watched.

After a few minutes, Noah said, "Dad, if I started to fall in... could you still run to catch me like you did when I was little?"

Wistful smiles lit all our faces.

We have this story that we tell from a camping trip we took when Noah was very little.  He was, in fact, so little that his feet did not reach the ground when seated in a tiny folding (bag) chair.  On the day of the occurrence, we were sitting around a campfire with our family and friends while Mark stepped away to grab more wood from a nearby pile.  Noah decided to get off his tiny chair and because he had shifted his weight, the whole chair began to fall toward the fire. Mark looked up just in the nick of time and, dropping the wood he was carrying, jumped forward and caught Noah before he fell hands and face into the fire!  It was a scary moment for all and a moment I am still left grateful for my husband's quick reflexes.

But, over the years the story has grown...

"And dad, who was way on the other side of our campsite, jumped over everything to save your life..."

"And dad, who was walking back from the camp store, sensed danger and ran to you just in time to save your life..."

"And dad, who was driving back from the next county, ditched the car and FLEW to your side to save your life..."

"And dad, who was in Australia, seeing the Sydney Opera House, challenged the bounds of time and space and used his amazing intuition to know he was needed at the campsite and came to your just in time to save your life..."

For 14 of Noah's 16 years, we have told and retold that story.  Always around a fire.  Always when we are together.  Always a little different, a little bigger than the time before.

But, we never tell it in the car.  Or at a game.  Or at a school event.  Or while doing chores, or homework, or projects.  The stuff of family lore grows up out of slow times, out of down times, out of TIME that is spent  and time that we have...

This is stuff of summer.

We have been given this gift of time. And while it may be overwhelming now that our toes are in the tide of it, there is wonder to be found if we can keep far from the risk of drowning in the very thing we seek.

But how?

1.  Do not over-plan.  After a school year of busy nights and days, we need to allow for some time to sit.  We need to allow for time to hang in the backyard and sit still and be together.  Society has pushed an ideal that we must always be DOING SOMETHING.  Oh, what a lie this is!  Sometimes, we need to pull a chair into the driveway, throw out some sidewalk chalk and sit with our kids nearby.  Sometimes, we need to lay a blanket on the grass and watch the lightning bugs fly.  Sometimes, we need to build a fire and sit together and watch the flames lick down the logs.  We need to tell stories and be quiet.  We need to remember and build memories.  And we need to know that all memories do not come from events... some grow beautifully in the nothingness of a warm summer evening.

2.  Be flexible!  Last weekend, I had a planned a grilled dinner for Father's Day followed by a campfire and s'mores in the backyard.  Mark and all the kids were coming home from a soccer tournament that Noah played in all weekend.  They were tired.  They were hot.  And after we ate that wonderful meal, not one of them wanted to sit next to a roaring fire and do anything.  So, we didn't.  Instead, the little ones had long, cool showers and we watched a favorite program and we relaxed together inside.  Sometimes our visions for what that together time should look like will be more cumbersome than we hope.  Relax.  Be together.  If that is the goal, let the details fall where they will.

3.  Remember that little things count.  As families across the nation plan elaborate vacations and expensive outings, it is easy to feel like this is what summer should resemble.  Whenever I am tempted to fall prey to that mindset, I remember a conversation I had with Noah a few years back.  It was the end of an uneventful spring break and I was standing by the barbecue talking with my boy.  We had not gone on vacation and I was feeling a bit disappointed about not DOING more with my kids.  Out of the blue, Noah began to talk about how he loves when we are home for spring break.  Shocked, I asked him to tell me more.  He explained that what he wanted was time... down time.  He wanted to be with his family at home.  And when we rush around all the time, he misses that.  I call that conversation to mind from time to time in an effort to remind myself that little things count.  In fact, sometimes the little things are actually the big things.  Look for them... allow for them.... Take a walk together.  Sit together and read.  Ride bikes.  BE.  If you have 15 minutes and a bit of energy left at the end of the day, you can spend a bit of time with your family sharing a summer night.

A few years ago, we were driving home from visiting friends and stopped at a beach to let the kids stretch their legs and put their toes in the water.  We had our dog, Lexie, with us.  She had never been in Lake Michigan before.  For about an hour and a half, my kids splashed in the lake.  They laughed out loud at Lexie's swimming ability.  Toes in the water became shoulders in the water and they loaded back into the van, wrapped in towels, tired and happy.  To hear them talk about that experience, you would think we were gone for a week.  That brief stop at the beach has become a vacation to them and it cost us not a thing.  But, it was a gift of time.  It was a gift of yes in the midst of a long car ride.  It was just us together and they LOVED it.

There is a time and a place for vacations and get-aways.  Yes, they matter too.  But these three months of summer offer us something bigger than trips and experiences.  It offers us the space we need to sit still, to look--really look--into the faces of our kids and see them anew.  There is no homework to be done, no pressing project, just bits of time in which we can choose to be together in ways that the rest of the year makes tricky.

And it is not hard.

And it is not expensive.

But it matters to them... and to us.

Blessings on your day.

Updated Blog Rewind: The Last Day of School

With the last day of school coming quickly, I wanted to take a brief break from the Getting Ready for Summer Series I have been writing and share with you what we do on the last day of school.  I wrote most of this several years ago but our routines remain.  Read on for some ideas about how to make the most of the last day of school!  


Years ago, when I was working at Trinity, I learned huge lessons about the importance of closure from a resident assistant who was working with me at the time. Katie was especially gifted at nurturing relationships and in her professional and private life, she always made sure to make both beginnings and endings in special ways. While I had known, in my head, how crucial it is to find ways to offer closure at appropriate times, Katie taught me how that LOOKED as she lived it out before me. This has had an impact on my life as a parent that I did not expect.

Our children attend a nearby Christian school and they adore the time they spend there. Every year, they learn so much and show such enthusiasm for these new bits of knowledge. The teachers are passionate about their work and exceedingly loving in how they treat their students. The school overall does a phenomenal job of building community and connecting students K-8 in ways that brings out the best in each child. It is exactly the educational experience I had envisioned for my children and I am so grateful that they are able to attend this school. But, the end of the year is always bittersweet. While they eagerly anticipate the free and relaxing days of summer, knowing that they will walk out of their classrooms and away from their beloved teachers for the last time brings on a sadness that is saved specifically for year-end. Yes, less time with friends is a part of this equation but it is the loss of a year well-spent that makes my children sad.

So, seeing this trend from the beginning of their school years, we have established traditions that help to take the edge off the end. Year after year, we conclude our classes with carefully chosen activities that offer to them (and me) Katie's closure.

Weeks before the school year ends, we begin to talk about making the most of our final days. We talk about ending well, working and playing hard. We try to be extra aware of academic issues, spending more time studying for tests and completing projects. In our house, the end of the year is so full, so busy, that it would be easy to let all of this slide. And sometimes we do.  But, paying extra attention helps a lot as the final grades are recorded and the days wind down.

The night before the school year ends, I sit with each of my kids and we talk about what they are thankful for in school. We recall the amazing experiences they shared with classmates and the special gifts that each of their teachers offered to them. And then, with all this fresh in their heads, we write thank you letters. I encourage them to do this on their own. The words and memories are theirs and, for us, it has proven to be an important experience to take a minute to not only be grateful but to express that gratitude to someone with whom they have shared this year. (And...this is top secret... after my sweet babies have all gone to bed, Mark scans these precious words into our computer leaving us with a legacy of thankfulness that is heartwarming to review.)

On the last day of school, my kids wear the same outfit they wore on the first day of school.  We take pictures of them in front of the house standing and sitting right where they were in August... it is amazing how much they grow and change each year!

Our four kiddos, first day of school last year! 

Same four kids, nine months later!  

Then, after we pray together and they head into school, I begin a lot of behind-the-scenes running and errands to help that day be all that it needs to be.  First, I run to buy flowers. It is our tradition to give each teacher a bouquet of flowers or a hanging basket as part of our thank you to them. Sometimes, we have also prepared baked goods to give them as well. (This year, I have already begun baking mini banana breads for all the teachers.) It is my goal to be at school, flowers in tow, by 10:00 for the first recess of the day. With the thank you notes from the children, the baked goods and the flowers, I go from classroom to classroom giving these to the boys to give to their teachers. While I am there, I take a picture of each child with their teacher and then leave them to finish their day.

Once this is done, I run out to buy lunch for the kids. I pack this into the van and then head back to school. I get back in time to talk with other mommas as we wait for the kids to come out.  This year, Josiah asked if we could also decorate the van with window markers for the last day of school.  :)  When everyone comes out, I hug my sad kids and they say good-bye to what will always be an important time in their young lives. With teachers waving from the sidewalk and parking lot and many young arms waving from buses and windows, it all comes to an end. The tears do not belong to the children alone. These amazing teachers who have loved their students so well are often misty, too. It is a bittersweet moment for all... reluctantly turning from the blessing of the school year to face full-on summer coming.

With everyone in the van we head off to the ultimate distraction from all things sad, a trip to the park to have lunch with friends from school!

By now, the lunches bought much earlier have grown a little cold but in the last 8 years, I have yet to have one complaint. Arriving at the park, the kids run off to sit at picnic tables with those to whom they have just said good-bye. Eating quickly, they then run and scream and laugh and play at a park we reserve just for this. The moms sit together and dream of days with later starts and worry a bit about filling seemingly-endless weeks with meaningful experiences.

After a couple of hours, everyone exhausted, we pack it up to head home and relax. The intensity of emotion has waned by then and the kids are drained but content. Traditions behind us, summer begins. And it is full and it is good and we are ready.

Blessings on your day!

Planning for Summer: Details #2

Ready for more thoughts about summer?  :)

So, we talked about the academic piece but what about developing needed skills and talents?  I love these open months for doing just that!

Before we go any further, just think for a minute about what your child really loves.  Consider what skills they will need in the next year?  What talents are emerging for each of your kids?  What things do they need to do or learn that YOU believe will be helpful for them?  Summer is the perfect time to work at some of these!

Here are some things we are going to do or have done in the past:

1.  Sports and Christian Camps:  Generally, each summer I like for my kids to have one structured event to help them grow athletically and one to help them grow spiritually.  We look for places that offer reasonably priced opportunities that can move our children along developmentally in these areas.  We love the sports camps offered by Trinity Christian College because they are low stress, open to all levels, very local and affordable.  Sometimes other moms ask me what they should do if their child just doesn't want to do it... really just wants to sit around for the summer... We tell our kids that sitting around for the summer is not what we want for them.  We work with them to choose things that they will enjoy but yes, some of those things WILL be active and some will be athletic.  Are all of our kids athletic?  Nope.  But running around in the sun is good for any kid and because we are the parents, we get to direct them in ways that will benefit them.  The same is true for Christian camps.  We believe strongly in the value of such experiences.  All of our kids were not ready for sleep away camps at the same age but all of our kids have experienced some sort of Christian camp.  Some of our kids eat that up!  Some do not love it.  We have offered some flexibility here but also talk with our kids about how to meet those spiritual needs if going off to a Christian camp is not a perfect fit.  As someone who came to faith in the camp environment and worked all my college summers at a Christian camp, these experiences hold a deep and firm place in my heart.  My life was transformed in ways I could not have imagined while sitting with friends at camp.  If you have not considered this for your child, I highly, HIGHLY recommend it.

Leaving for sleep-away camp for the very first time!

Soccer camp is so much fun! 

2.  Lessons:  While our summer schedule is MUCH more laid back than our school-year days, I have found that getting my kids lessons for the things that they love (or want to love) during the summer months can be really helpful.  With one of our kids, we began piano lessons during the summer months with hopes that he would so love playing piano that he would want to continue.  That plan totally worked!  On the flip side, another of my boys took guitar lessons during the summer and while he enjoyed it, he found that there was little time during the school year to continue this skill.  Both of these responses were fine with my husband and I and we did not regret encouraging the learning of a brand new skill in the midst of those summer months.  The long lazy days that are coming allow for plenty of time to try new things and practice a bit each day.  We have also done this with art, bike maintenance, drama, etc...

Cello lessons are on the docket for this summer! 

3.  Devotions:  While it may seem that this category doesn't fit well with skills and talents, this is something we want our kids to know how to do.  So, in the summer, we make a new effort to get the kids doing daily devotions and we do this together, as well.  I make a pile of devotional books available to my kids and also make a plan for what I would like to do with them.  This summer, we will structure our family devotions using this image I came across on Facebook:

My thought for this image is to focus on one of these truths each week throughout the summer.  We can even  memorize the verses together.  As parents, it is easy to overlook telling our kids how important they are, how forgiven they are, how VICTORIOUS they are, when we are racing through our busy days.  I love the thought of us focusing on this for the 10 weeks that lie before us and intentionally passing these important truths on to my children (while also reminding myself)!

4.  Volunteering/Service Work.  Each summer my kids use their skills and talents to volunteer.  One easy place to do this is through local Vacation Bible School programs.  Ever since my kids were too old to attend, they have volunteered at our home church's VBS program.  They have led groups, run the activity or craft station or served as a one-on-one helper to a child who needs a little extra help.  I love that these experiences make our kids take their eyes off of themselves and think about someone else.  This matters.  It matters that we teach our kids to do this while they are young so that when they are teens, it has already become a way of life.  Someone once told me that all teens are naturally selfish.  I have not found this to be true.  My teens are taller, more mature versions of the children they once were.  And I like them.  :)  Do they have selfish moments?  Of course they do!  (Don't we all??)  But because our family and our school have both placed a strong emphasis on the value of serving others, this has become a part of their very fabric.  They KNOW it is important.  Summer offers us the perfect time to find opportunities for our kids to do just that.  Need ideas?  What is your child good at?  Can they teach that skill to a younger child?  My older boys help out with a local soccer camp where they teach younger kids to play soccer.  My younger kids help in the nursery at church.  These experiences are valuable and help to direct our kids toward a life that does not place them in the middle... but instead teaches them to live side-by-side, in community, with those all around them.  It gives them a greater purpose in this life... and it turns out, its pretty fun.  :)

Last year, my older boys volunteered at VBS while my younger kids attended. 

Getting some ideas?  Think about the months ahead as a time when you can direct or redirect your kids in enjoyable experiences that we might otherwise not be able to add to our already busy days.  Dream a little bit... and talk to your kids!

The other night, rather out of the blue, my 10 year old Josiah asked if he could please create himself a web page.  As it turns out, he had been reading about how to do that, had already compared several ways to create a website and had formed an opinion about which programs and methods he would like to try.  I was pretty surprised.  :)  Faced with this question, I have two choices in this place... I could tell him no because I am too busy and too stressed to supervise.  I could tell him no because he is 10 and 10 year olds do not need web pages.  Or, I could dream a little.  I could wonder about why this is so interesting to him.  I could tell myself that gifts and talents present themselves in curious ways and that 10 year olds need some yeses in their days to encourage their growth and God-given interests.  I think this summer my boy will get a web page.  And maybe by next summer he will make one for you!  Who knows?  But the months ahead give room for my yes and that, I love.

So, talk to your kids and make some plans... not to FILL their days but to pour into their lives.  In the name of fun and growth, what do your kids need to learn this summer?

Blessings on your day!

Planning for Summer: Details #1

Including today, my kids have 7.5 days of school remaining.  The end is near.  It is time for us mommas to band together and make a plan for the days and weeks that lie ahead.  Last week, I blogged on this very thing.  (If you missed that post, click here to head back there.)  It is a tricky thing to face down the end of the year and dream about what is to come. The end of the year always leaves me feeling a little bit sad... It seems to me that watching my kids magically transform from 3rd grader to 4th grader or :::gasp::: 8th grader to FRESHMAN, causes me more pause and sometimes more tears than their actual birthdays.

My sweet boy, who has grown from this...

to this... 

to this confident 8th grader!
High school, here he comes!

And once we get past that final day of alarm clocks and school clothes and morning rush and homework and teary good-byes to teachers and friends, we are staring down 81 glorious, unstructured, hairy, hopeful days of summer.

I mentioned last week that we always set academic goals for our kids to chip away at during those summer months.  As a former educator, it is hard for me to imagine leaving behind the thrill of learning for nearly 3 months!  I want my children to embrace a lifestyle of seeking knowledge and embracing the wonder of creation.  I also want to think through each child's strengths and weaknesses and make a plan that helps them to begin their new school year feeling ready and capable!

Some ideas:

1.  We have always bought "workbooks" for our kids to process through during the summer.  Most days they will do a page or two and show them to use to check for errors.  I have found that a lot of workbooks are set a level that is below the grade level listed.  Because of this, I usually buy workbooks for the year AHEAD of where my kids are going to be.  Be careful with this though... books can differ.  Since you are the expert on your child, you know best what will keep them moving forward instead of just practicing standing still.  My kids have not really fussed about this because it has always been a part of summer.  So, when I bring home new workbooks, they so strongly associate them with those long and lazy days that they are happy to see them come in!

2.  What about teens?  It can be awfully hard to find workbooks for older kids!  So what do we do with that?  We use a lot of online tools and tap into the interests of each child.  For instance, my oldest boy LOVES math and science!  We love what Khan Academy does and will have them go through a lesson or two each day on that site to explore new ideas and reinforce old knowledge.

3.  I like to look at the summer months as a season of relaxed homeschooling.  So, thinking about what we can learn together in terms of a unit can be helpful.  Consider reading some Little House on the Prairie aloud to your kids and then follow those books up with a trip to local living museum.  In the Chicago area where we live, we can visit someplace like Naper Settlement to meet a goal like that!  Or we take a trip to Springfield and try to figure out where the history of Lincoln meets Laura Ingalls Wilder.  Think about the things you wish your kids knew more about... then jump in with two feet putting together something to do or read at home and something to go see and experience!

4.  One of my plans for my 9 year old daughter is to have her take her love for American Girl books and translate that into historical knowledge.  We will make a big poster to hang in her room with chronological time spans typed across the top.  As she reads different American Girl books, we will have her jot notes about factual events and details from that era on the poster.  By the end of summer, she will have a broader view of American history while she strengthens her reading and comprehension skills!

5.  A few years back, I found a book on Amazon that contained many famous stories that I wanted to share with my kids.  The book was a read aloud book with the approximate time it would take to read each selection printed on the title page.

We had so much fun going through those tales together!   I will never forget reading The Ugly Duckling to my kiddos while they laughed HYSTERICALLY at the fact that the duck was actually called ugly.  Being raised in such a politically correct time, it was beyond their comprehension that such words would be used aloud!  What a fun and funny afternoon we shared as they learned that classic story and I studied their precious faces and we giggled and listened together.  I highly recommend reading together! As you choose your books to read aloud, do not worry that your child has outgrown hearing you read.  You are making memories together and igniting memories of the past, as well!  Do it for the love of story.  Do it for the love of sharing something together.  Do it because it is good and it matters.

6.  We intentionally gather books that will make learning easier in the summer.  We put them out to be used and referenced.  We have a great bird book on hand in case something flies by that we cannot quickly identify.  We have a book on rocks and minerals that my kids love to to peruse when they find a new, cool stone outside.  Think about the kinds of things your kids enjoy to learn about and put books and supplies out that will allow them dig in on their own.  We love Half Price Books for books like these!

During the summer months, I want my kids to continue learning.  They do not spend their days over worksheets and tests!  Instead, they invest 10-30 minutes each day on one or more of the ideas above.  We put a high priority on playing outside and while we want them to extend their academic knowledge, we also want them to embrace the slow, relaxing pace of the season ahead.  The key to fantastic summer is to find a way to balance the things our kiddos need and the things we know they want.

A lot goes in planning a summer to remember.  My next blog will talk about how we plan for opportunities for our kids to invest in their needed/wanted skills... including some talk of camp!  (Those who know me well know that I could blog for a year on the value of camp!)  So hang with me and think about the weeks and months to come.  What really matters to you?

Blessings on your day!

Summer's Coming! Whatcha Gonna Do?

It's coming.

Year-end concerts and award banquets and school projects abound.  The days are winding down and summer is almost here. While some mommas are eagerly awaiting the beginning of summer, others are taking deep breaths to stave off the ensuing panic that comes in anticipating over 100 days of unstructured home life, children underfoot.

Where do you stand?

As I sit here today in my quiet home, I am deeply aware that, though I love this daily down-time, it is a privilege that is passing.  In roughly two and a half weeks, my children will come out of school with mixed feelings and summer will begin.  We will dry off last-day-tears and head to a local park where summer always begins for us.  We will gather with friends, eat some lunch, enjoy the distraction from a day of good-byes and stand together at the beginning of a long string of time to come.  I love having my kids home.  I love the peace that comes with plenty of rest and a lack of pressing deadlines.  But, 16 years of parenting has taught me that sleepy summer days can be rocky, too.  Because the truth is that I love my quiet, writing afternoons and my children love their structure.  So, while we dream today of some summer fantasy, it will likely not be that vision that plays out for us.

So, what do we do?

Last week, I decided to add a new talk to my topic list on this very thing.  I am excited to be thinking about summer as I prepare to speak on this for Spring '14.  For years, our family has approached summer planning in a way that offers some structure and lots of downtime while offering parameters that can curtail known frustrations.  Left to their own devices, my children will happily spend way too much time on screens playing video games or watching televisions programs that can only be described as "brain-candy".  This, I do not want.  But, if I spend a few minutes thinking about what goals I have for my kids, maybe the summer can take on a shape that fits for our whole family.

Here are some of the goals we have for our kids each year:

1.  Keep moving academically.  Yes, I totally get that school is over but as a former educator, I know that kids who continue to learn academically throughout the summer begin to see learning as a lifestyle and not a school requirement.  I do not want my children to tolerate academics.  I want to raise kids who are curious, eager, driven.  I want them to love the "a-ha" moments and to seek them instead of waiting to have those revelations spoon fed to them.  If we take the summer off of learning, we do not only lose what has been learned this year but we miss an opportunity to raise kids who see each day as an opportunity to seek knowledge and to explore God's creation.

2.  Work on needed/wanted skills and talents.  With the full and busy school-year schedule, it is hard for us to find time to really focus on things that are of interest to my kids.  The summer allows for time to work on soccer skills, take a drama class or head off to a Christian camp and learn a lot of amazing things all at once!  Over the years, we have really valued these experiences and have worked hard to budget for them.  In addition to this, I will dust off my teacher hat and work up "lessons" that might be helpful to my kids in a variety of areas.

3.  Extended family time.  There is no way around it. My oldest is 16.  I am staring down the end of our familiar life with four kids and I am deeply aware that in two years, my days with my baby will be drastically changed.  We need this time.  It may not be as idyllic as I would hope but it is needed for both my kids and myself. The chaos has a part to play and the spontaneous experiences that poke up out of nowhere become the stuff of family lore.  We need it.  Unplanned.  Open.  Available.  And we need to plan for time when we get away and there is no interruption in the midst of this passing privilege.

4.  Lifestyle learning. When we worked as residence directors at Trinity Christian College, we offered a curriculum of lifestyle lessons to freshman and sophomore students.  My kids need nothing less.  They need to learn basic skills like conflict resolution, living in community, household chores, etc... The summer offers us the opportunity to focus on such things and teach them well.  As mommas, we are the experts on our kids.  You know exactly what they are great at and in what areas they need growth.  Three months of downtime can lead to an awful lot of learning!

5.  Fun, fun, fun!!!  We need to find space for fun.  We need to laugh and relax and do unusual things and let it unwind the tightly wound springs that the school year has placed in my kids.  We need to use the time we have in ways that September will not allow.  We need to get away and we need to stay put.  And while so much of this can seem spendy, there are ways to have a lot of fun without spending much money at all.

While I have many mini-goals for my kids, much of what we do for the summer falls under these general categories.  Finding ways to plan for the things we want for our kids helps to offer structure to all those loosey-goosey days.  This gives me hope that the summer that is coming can have moments in it that feel exactly like what we want.  It makes me believe that the images in my head might come to fruition.  And maybe I will have to hunt for those moments or maybe they will rise up and make themselves well-known. Either way, we will make space for summer to become what we need.  All the days will not be good.  All the weeks will not be perfect.  My kids will argue.  The house will begin to feel small.  We will miss some goals and we will over-focus on others.  But in the end, it will be what we make of it and that, my friends, takes a plan.

Over the next several posts, lets take a peek at each of the categories above.  I will tell you what we might do and maybe you will share some ideas, too.  And then, no matter your feelings about the months that are to come, we can plan for the summer to be something good.  Not perfect.  But good and purposeful and needed.  And when September cycles back around we may still feel eager but we will also feel nostalgic for the wonder of three months of days that we got to experience together...

Blessings on your day.

Before They Go Back-to-School

We have been inundated with Back-To-School flyers and zippy commercials and academic supply lists.  We have been given the message, loud and clear, that it is time for us to get our ducks in a row, schedule hair cuts, stuff backpacks and purchase the newest, coolest gym shoes for the children in our homes.  School starts soon!  It is time to get ready.

And while all of this swims around my head, I cannot help but think that we are somehow missing the mark.  It may be true that there is something special about a brand new box of 64, but it is the thing that matters?  Is it really where our focus should be during these last, long days of summer?  Will our buying frenzy lead to children who are ready for school to start up once more?

Here are some preparations to consider:

1.  Let your kids linger outside.  In our home, we can already feel the schedules pushing in on our lazy summer days.  Team practices, last minute camps, forms to fill out... but my kids want to be outside.  They NEED to be outside.  Let's make time, before the time is gone, to push our kids out the door and let the sun land on their cheeks as they run and yell and hang upside down in a tree.  They need the openness of it... the freedom.  They need to think up a game and play with abandon and come in dirty and tired.  It matters, even if they beg to play video games inside.  They need to breathe deep, to lay in the grass, to watch falling stars in cool evening air.  Do it, mommas.  While we can.

2.  Listen to their concerns and excitements about the year to come.  Listen to the way they talk about their friends, their teachers, their school environment.  Let them spill the whole of it out so that you know where they are when they step away.  Ask gentle questions and then let the words come and look at their faces and read their feelings and help them talk through all that goes into starting a brand new year.  You are building relationships here... sending a message that you will hear them.  And as the wonder and turmoil of school begins again, you want them to know they can come to you with all that will arise in class.

3.  Check the messages you send about school.  As a speaker, I have had the chance to listen to mommas from all over, many of whom believe that it is normal, even expected, for children to hate school.  Breaks my heart!  Never underestimate the power of your words in your child's young life!  School does not have to be something kids dread.  Be positive about the year ahead!  Talk about the privilege of going to school and the amazing things they will learn.  Talk about LOVING it and working hard and playing hard and make it all seem like fun... because it is!  Kids who go into school ready for a great adventure, often will find one!  If last year was hard, speak positively about a new start!  If there are areas of concern in your child's school or classroom, please be prepared to get involved.  Be an advocate in trouble. Yet, in hardship or joy, speak with chosen words. Your words will replay in your child's mind and heart for years to come.

4.  Pray.  Pray a lot.  Pray for your children, for their school, for the lessons that will be taught and those that are unplanned.  Pray for your child's teacher and for the families and for the administration.  Pray with your child for those things that concern them and the things they are eager to begin.  Let the teachers know you are praying for them, if you feel comfortable doing so.  Because as this year begins, you will have a new partnership beginning as well.  A new name.  A new influence.  The teacher your child will be with this year will become a part of your family history. Your child will tell stories about this person and remember field trips shared.  Your community is growing and your family is growing and all of it is worth praying about.

5.  Read.  Read aloud.  Have your children read silently.  Prepare their minds and their imaginations for the year ahead.  It doesn't have to feel "academic"... allow it all to feel fun.  Even big kids will listen... so take a few minutes and share a story and let your minds run with the wonder of it all.

Getting ready for back to school has become a commercial event.  Search #BTS on Twitter and you will find hundreds of stores using that hashtag to draw you into the next "necessary" purchase.  But, getting ready for the year ahead has little to do with the things we must buy.  Yes, the Crayolas are necessary.  But stand back a bit and squint your eyes and look to see what matters more.  Helping our kids to FEEL ready... helping our kids to process what is to come... all of this matter so much more.

It takes so little to make the most of these days.  If we think through our getting ready, we can find ourselves teaching our kids to look forward to the year ahead.  Raising kids who love school is far more important than buying the "right" shoes.  Fostering a positive attitude about school can lead to greater success for our kids, opening doors we don't even know we will need.

These days of summer are numbered.  What we do with this time can set the stage for an amazing year ahead.

Blessings on your day!

Summer and Spending Time

I love a slow summer morning. I am sitting here thinking through the past couple weeks of time with my kids.  So grateful for it all... for time to rest and camps to attend and growth to observe and life lived side-by-side without the schedule of school pushing in.  We are not living an extravagant life.  No, we are reminded again that what is needed is time.  And presence.  Togetherness.

And maybe you feel like you can't measure up to what is offered in other families you know.  Maybe you feel like you wish you could do more, go more, spend more, have more.  I get that.  I really do.  But, the other day I downloaded hundreds of pictures from my camera and all of those pictures show moments.  Moments.  Moments spent, not money spent.  Time together, shared.  Seems to me that every year I am reminded again that summer offers opportunity for that.  Yes, there are times to get away but what I want to remember is that the key word in that sentence is time.

So, I would like to share a few glimpses into what that looks like for us.  Below are some pictures of what we  have been doing... While the vast majority of it was completely free, the memories are priceless to us.

Here we go:

-My mom had nice long visit with us.  We did projects and planned day trips and basically hung out.  I am so grateful that my children have these days with her... days to build memories and to learn things I cannot teach them myself.  It was the first time, though, that Noah was taller that my mom!

-My kids attended and/or helped with our church's VBS.  My two little ones still love to be there, learning and discovering.  My older boys helped with crafts and music and generally getting bunches of children from one place to another.  I love that that they want to and I love that they don't care one little bit about how it looks or trying to be "cool".  This looks a lot more fun!

-Benjamin went off to a brand new camp... though our heart will always belong to Camp Manitoqua!  He had the time of his life and learned new things and even two weeks later is still processing it all.  If there is anything in you that wonders if sending a kid off to camp (especially a Christian camp!) is worth it, I would encourage you to give it a shot.  It is an amazing way for kids to grow and begin to spread their wings... even if their momma misses them an awful lot!

-The rest of my kids were off to soccer camp at our beloved Trinity Christian College.  Noah volunteers there... teaching little kids how to play.  Josiah and EB attend the camp and have a great time while learning some skills.

-Then we were off camping with our dear friends, followed by time in northern Michigan to look for Petosky Stones.  Have you ever seen them?  How we loved  being away, something we rarely do!  Camping and cooking over a fire are both so affordable!  The time together was wonderful, slow, restful and good.  There is something so simple about walking along a rocky beach, feet in water, eyes down, seeking that perfect stone.

-Our celebration for the 4th of July brought family and friends to our home for burgers and dogs and our town's fireworks.  We laughed and ate and lit sparklers and fell into bed, tired and dirty and ready for sleep. It was a good day...

So, now it is July and there are days to plan and far more days to stay home.  I want to be careful what I am teaching my kids about what it is that matters most.  If we rush from place to place and do, do, do, how can I teach them to be?

Summer offers time for us to feather our nests and nurture our kids and find a way to learn (again) to do this life together.  And some days are hard and some days are long and sometimes we wish we could be somewhere else!  But, for today let's catch our breath and look at our kids and make the most of whatever we have.  Let's offer a "Yes." where a "No." would have been and let them try something new.

School and our schedules will be here soon enough.  Let's embrace summer today.

Blessings on your day!

What's Up With the Blog?

Ahh, how patient you've been! I have heard from many of you over the past several months, wondering where I have been and what has become of the blog. Thank you for your emails. I always love hearing from you and am eager to tell you what is happening around here.

As many of you know, I am the busy mom to four children and love my work with them. The end of the school year held a lot of excitement and a lot of fullness for our family. My oldest graduated from 8th grade in June and we all found ourselves wrapped up in that amazing transition. Throughout the spring and early summer, all the children were involved in sports and games and life was very full. Good, just full.

While my attention and time was turned to my four kiddos, I was also working hard on a book project that I have wanted to complete for some time. Many of you have heard about the Sticks! program in your churches or on this site and it was time to get that book proposal completed. So, I dug my toes in here and worked on completing the proposal in a way that actually felt... complete. Once that was finally done, I was able to pass that work on to a team of folks who are reviewing it. I would love to say that it was on its way to becoming a book. (I would really LOVE to say that!) For now, I know it is being reviewed. When I hear more, I will pass the word. I am thrilled though to have gotten this far in the process and am eager to see this book project through. Having spoken on the Sticks! program for years, I am always amazed at the response. I have gotten so much positive feedback from all of you who have tried it and then let me know how it went. It is my strongest desire to offer encouragement to parents who are looking for a new plan for their families and homes. I am praying that this book might become a tool that is available to those who are looking for that help.

So, the book proposal has been handed off and I am now working on the upcoming speaking season. I have developed a new topic for this year and am eager to start offering that talk soon. As always, if you or anyone you know is looking for a speaker, please go to www.NadiaSwearingen-Friesen.com to check out my topics and then be in touch about what you need this year. Dates book quickly in August, so let's talk soon!

So, what about the blog? With all the hubbub in our family and with all that has happened with the book proposal, the blog was one thing that needed to be set aside. I have loved blogging over the years and am eager to return to this place. I believe there will be some changes but I am excited about diving back in. I hope to offer more giveaways, as well. So, if you have been stopping in, keep your eyes open and soon I will be up and running again.

Now, back to summer we go! Today is August 1 and we have less than a month left to share! What will you do with that time? I have been reminded lately of the importance of spending time... the great importance of finding ourselves face to face with those we love and enjoying that time together. This has nothing to do with money. Nothing to do with vacations. Nothing to do with what we wish we could do and everything to do with what we choose. The full schedule of fall will be upon us soon. Today is August 1. What will you choose to do with the time we have left together?

Thanks for reading again. I would love to hear from you. Leave a post below and let us know what you are doing with these last summer days. How helpful to have new ideas to pursue!

Blessings on your day!

Who Knew?

I haven't blogged about food lately... time to make that right!

We have been a charcoal grill family from the beginning. Suited us. Easy, authentic, flavorful. But over the years, I have watched friends fall in love with their gas grills... and use them year round. I was intrigued. As our family grew, the long warm up time and short cooking time of charcoal grilling became really inconvenient. As I became less content with this method, our very old grill began to fall apart. Piece by piece. Sometimes, this is not a bad thing.

With a little budgeting and some HUGE sales, we finally bit the bullet and bought a gas grill. For what we were spending in charcoal, we could easily do a trade off and quickly offset the cost of the grill. But, then I had to learn.... beyond burgers and dogs, what could I cook?

I quickly found that grilling with gas is very different than grilling with charcoal. As someone who loves to cook and does okay with most foods, it was an awful discovery to find that 25.00 worth of ribs had turned to rocks after 5 quick minutes, unattended. I knew that could not happen again so I needed to do better and learn more.

Since then, I have conquered ribs (Amazing!) and we have used our grill to cook up brats and dogs. Yesterday, I wanted to try something new. Pork chops were on sale at our local grocery, along with fresh asparagus. The wheels in my head started turning... What if I wrapped the asparagus in bacon and grilled that? What if I put it on the warming shelf and then let the still-cooking bacon drip onto my grilling chops? What if I dropped a loaf of store-bought garlic bread onto the grill, as well?

The results were incredible! A whole meal cooked in 10 quick minutes and unbelievably tasty! The kids gobbled up the grilled asparagus... those wrapped and those unwrapped. And I had no mess to clean up afterward.

Turns out grilling is the way to go! Who knew?

Last night, I posted a grilling question on my Facebook page and had lots of folks talk about grilling fruit. Especially pineapple! That, I am going to have to try. What about you? What do you just love to grill? What has worked well for your family? Do you have any tips or ideas for family-friendly barbecued fare?

Tonight, I am going to try Italian sausage... What about you?

Blessings on your day.

Journey of the Ordinary

Some days are full of ordinary moments that build upon one another until getting up in the morning quietly becomes going to bed at night. Summer days are full of these moments of beautiful normalcy and I just love watching my children move from task to task, activity to activity....

Here is a glimpse into how our day began today...

7:00 Benjamin and I wake up and spend some time hanging out together.

8:00 Josiah wakes up and comes to spend time with Benjamin and I.

8:45 Noah and Elizabeth wake up and look for breakfast. We all eat.

9:00 All the kids go out to the garden to harvest strawberries for snacks today.

9:30 I prepare the strawberries while Josiah and EB go to play with Legos and Noah and
Benjamin go out for a run with the dog. They are training for fall soccer.

10:00 We gather together for devotions. I am reading to them from the Jesus Storybook.

10:30 Noah comes up to write his blog post for today. (See "Life at the Lamp Post"below.)
The rest of the kids play Legos again and I can hear them cracking each other up
downstairs.

11:00 Elizabeth asks if she can work on the Leapster for a few minutes and then pops in her
Ni Hao Kai Lan cartridge and starts working on some age appropriate learning games. I
love that this game lets her connect with some part of her Chinese heritage.

11:15 Benjamin comes up from downstairs, scans the family room, finds a book wedged under a
side table and throws himself down to read a while. Noah is blogging, still. What he is
writing, makes me smile. It also, however, reminds me to be careful with what I teach...
they soak it up like sponges.

11:30 Noah is done blogging and I go to check it for editing mistakes. I send all the kids out
front to clean up the yard and porch, both of which need some attention.

11:45 Noah's blog is posted and I go outside to help with the yard. They have a good start but
need some help. Once we finish, we move on to cleaning the camper.

12:00 I think it is lunch time but the kids think differently. They squeal for sprinkler time and I
tell them okay so off they go to run and scream and get wet in the yard. I love that they
want to do this... I love listening to them playing together... I just love the whole of it.

So, soon we will have lunch and then we will do chores. The kids are assigned areas in the house to straighten up. They work in pairs to get the job done and then I check it, just to be sure. Having their help makes a huge difference to me because once they straighten an area, I can clean it and working together like this saves so much time.

After lunch and chores, we will sit down together and I will read to them for a while. The book I picked up from Amazon with Read-Alouds inside has been great for us, so far. Monday, we read The Ugly Duckling. Today, we will read a selection from the Odyssey.

After all that? Who knows? Bikes? Baseball? Books? There is enough to do in our little corner of the world to keep my kids busy today... and hopefully tomorrow, too. Removing the word "bored" from their vocabulary was helpful... not because I don't want to hear it but because it changed how they look at their day. They seek less to be entertained and more to discover. On this absolutely ordinary day, that is a journey I want to take with them.

They are off to build a blanket fort! Gotta love a happy mess!

Blessings on your day!

The First Day of Summer--So Far, So Good.

Oh, how I love summer! I really do. After last week's crazy schedule, we are starting today with a much more relaxed tone. I am so grateful.

School got out on Thursday and we spent Friday at the beach and a local pool. The weekend held sports and rain and more work in the garden. But today? A whole new ballgame!

I started the day early so I could go for a walk before Mark left for work and the kiddos got out of bed. I came back and worked a while to set a selection of snacks out on the island to enjoy during the day. They woke up slowly, one at a time. I had time to spend with Benjamin, snuggled a while with Josiah and got a one-armed-hug from my teen as he headed outside to shoot hoops. Elizabeth woke up and played calmly in bed and by 9:00 AM, all were awake.

After a no-frills breakfast, we started with devotions and used a new book that I am really excited about. The kids worked on some memory work and then spent a lot of time playing outside. Having time... open, free, relaxed, unstructured time... is such a gift for us. I am loving it...

So, day one is almost done and dinner has yet to be made. But the dog got a bath and we read a good book and all of us have let the juice of a watermelon run down our arms. We perused the garden, laughed out loud and worked on some goals for the summer. One of the goals I have set is to help the kids work on writing skills. To keep this interesting, they will be blogging a few times a week. They have their very own blog (link at the bottom of this page--Life at the Lamp Post) and will do their own editing and writing and posting, with my overview for safety more than content. Feel free to check it out!

If you have an idea about how to make summer good for your kids and for you, I would love to hear about it. We have a lot of days off in front of us and this is just the start. What do you do to help the days go well? What ideas work for you? I know for myself, I am hoping for a long string of good days, making memories with my four sweet kids. Possible? Some days. Today? Exactly what I hoped to find...

Blessings on your day!

The Necessary Labor of May

It's getting crazy around here. I am trying to find and maintain some type of balance, but the reality is... it's nuts!

The end of the year has a pregnancy feel to it sometimes... a feeling that we must get so terribly uncomfortable before we birth this brand new thing. Feels that way today. Mark is staying home today to help with some big projects (the garden, specifically) and offered to take the children to school. They left just moments ago. Mark out first and the chaotic cacophony trailing behind him.

This morning, the kids slept late, overtired from attending last night's soccer game. They wandered sleepily from room to room, getting ready for their day in an unorganized way. It looked like this:

-Benjamin cannot find his over-due library book and, though he is not dressed, is sure that is his highest priority for the day. (It's not.) He has to say the Gettysburg address today so he is practicing in his best Abe Lincoln, unsure about what it all means. Mark is talking to him from the kitchen about the depth of the speech while Benjamin scratches his head and works hard to try to make it matter to him...

-Noah has another after school party. Yesterday he celebrated the end of the play. Tonight, the end of track. He needs a form we have never seen and money of an undetermined amount. I email the teacher and pull muffins from the oven. Mark and I wonder if either of us have any cash to send with him for the party payment.

-Josiah has taken off at least three outfits, leaving the clothes on in the middle of the family room floor. He is now wearing his 13 year-old brother's ill-fitting shorts and searching for his backpack. ( I am searching for the family room floor. )

-Elizabeth, slightly lost in the mix this morning, takes 20 minutes to eat a muffin and attempts to leave for school, hair un-brushed and missing shoes. I can see that she is not really awake just yet and wonder what the day will be like for her.

-My house is trashed, my supper swap meals are not made and the yard... oh, the yard... is as unpresentable as it can be. (And did I mention, I have a house-guest? My mom has been here for a while to witness all our nuttiness.)

Yep, it's getting kinda crazy around here.

This brief season of our life has gotten to the place where it is just plain uncomfortable. We are finding ourselves in a spot where every part of my momma self is screaming for a break. I know my kids are tired. I know they need more sleep. I know it is time to wander at farmer's markets and eat fresh fruit and run in the sprinkler and read good books and do that thing that comes up next.

I remember feeling similarly at the end of each of my pregnancies. I remember thinking it had just gotten so uncomfortable. My body was stretched, my mind distracted and I was ready to get past this part and move on to what came next... and I would go through anything to get there.

My kids love school and I love it with them. I love our teachers and am so grateful for all that they offer my children each day. And saying good-bye to them, to the year, is a sad and difficult thing for us all. But, this week feels like labor to me... a necessary working through of details and actions that will bring us to the next big thing. And I don't want to rush it... don't want to wish it away... but I love that I can focus on that spot on the horizon when life will just slow down. When my kids will just be home. When parties and practices and homework and hurry have all just faded away... and we will have arrived at the place that looks so beautiful from here.

Eight more days. Eight more days. Between here and there, we will say sad good-byes and accomplish a lot of work... but in the end, it gets us where we are going.

It's a labor I don't want to miss.

Blessings on your day.