What if?

The new year has come and I find myself surrounded by resolutions, many of which flow naturally from questions that must be asked...

What if... I finished this book and published it one way or another?

What if... I was less motivated by selfish desires and more by a servant's heart?

What if... I stopped stressing out about where we are all headed and enjoyed more of where we are?

What if... I trusted God with those things that worry me instead of trying to handle them myself?

What if... I reached out in my speaking ministry and let it blossom in that way?

What if... I found an agent who has knowledge and experience to direct my speaking and writing?

What if... I looked for daily sources of joy and helped my family do the same?

What if... I remembered the importance of following God's lead and helped my children to follow, too?

What if... I focused less on having and more on releasing things?  

What if... I took my health a lot more seriously and started feeling stronger?

What if... I worked on friendships the way I did when I was young?

What if... I put the amount of energy into my marriage that I know our marriage demands?

And lastly... What if I did not find excuses, did not manufacture excuses... but instead sought to do and be those things I know I need to do and be?  What does that mean for me?  For my family?  For my speaking? For my writing?  

It is a brand new year.  There are things about my humble life that I love... and things I know could use some change.  But, I cannot change what I do not see... So, it is time to see.  It is time for me, time for my family, time for you, as well.  

Because, really.  Think about it.  

What if... 

Blessings on your day.  

Time to Talk About Summer! (Part One)

It seems like I have been planning this topic for weeks... just never getting around to sharing it with you. So today, the time has come! Time to talk about summer. And I am excited!

I know full well that all of us here today have lives that are similar and different from one another. This topic applies to all of us. If you have a family, it is a worthwhile thing to think about the upcoming 3+ months and what it can mean to your children. No kids? No problem. What can it mean to you?

When I was a teacher, I spent months each school year helping students to reconnect to things I knew they had learned the year before. And, imagine my discouragement when my first graders turned second graders spent months doing the same thing with their new teachers? I felt, even then, that it was a huge waste of time in the school year to have to reteach information that had already been taught and learned by these sweet students.

When I became a parent, I wanted to raise curious children. I wanted them to live in a home that fostered a love of education that was not so tightly tied to school as to their natural drive to discover. Sometimes, we do a pretty good job of that and sometimes not... but it is a goal for us. So, when I see months and months of free time coming, I want to have a plan. I know that school is ending and their time of formal education is transitioning... and now, (now!) I will have all the time in the world to continue to help them grow and develop as curious, little beings who see the world as a place of wonder and discovery.

So, what do we do? What am I planning? Well, there are many topics there on which to blog but let's just start with some goals I have for my children this summer.

1. I want them to relish listening to a story and am seeking read-alouds that I can share with them... a little at a time... over the months ahead.

2. I love how the Bible talks about God's words and His law being sweet... sweeter than honey! I am toying with ways to tie this to a time of Bible study in a very concrete way... possibly involving Jolly Ranchers!

3. I am always looking for ways to connect my children to each other... I am working on what this can look like this summer but am not fully decided on a direction.

4. I would love for my children to work on writing skills this summer. I am wondering if this might develop into something bloggy. Hmmm....

5. I have this big picture dream about how my children might come to understand the full scope of history. I am toying with ideas about what this might look like for us this summer and am really excited about starting this out.

6. I want my kids to help one another eat in a healthy way. Sometimes, we do a great job of this... sometimes we don't. I am hatching some ideas about what it might look like if I partner with a child to help meet this goal. As always, we will grow a huge garden... all doing our part to keep it growing well. I know this will help us in our effort to eat healthy.

7. Nature exploration is a big deal for my kids. I continue to harbor a dream of getting my kids off to see nature in new and amazing ways. This would likely include some travel for us... and will certainly involve a lot of camping which is high on my list of "to do" this summer.

8. DOWNTIME is so needed... so needed. I can feel how frustrated and tired I am with the craziness of May. I know it is harder on my kids. I am envisioning LOTS of time to play, hang-out with friends, jump through a sprinkler, stare at the sky.

9. Academic growth is easy to continue in small ways throughout the summer. This, we will do for sure. I have looked into some new ways to manage this since we have done workbooks for so long! Elizabeth is just starting to read and I want to encourage that with her and help her learn to just love the act of reading and see it all as fun!

10. I am looking for time WITH my children. I want to be with them and watch them and laugh with them and enjoy them every day. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with the length of summer and I want to find a way to keep that at bay. Hold it off. I want to remind myself, every day, that Noah is 13 and I only have 5 summers with him left. It goes too fast. And it is so easy to wish it away.

So, there are some goals we are working on for the summer. This list is not complete but it is a pretty good start. For me, knowing there are goals helps me to craft a picture that is working toward something that will be meaningful for my children. What about you? What do you hope for your children this summer? What do you think is important for them to experience during these many months off? I would love to hear some of your ideas so feel free to leave a comment. I love comments more than you might guess! : )

Tomorrow, I will talk about some about ways I hope to maintain my sanity during those summer months. Little changes go a long way for me. I have never really worried about this aspect before but after a year of being home alone, it feels different to me this year. So, I want to be proactive. I want to guess a bit at what I will need and make a plan now while I have some time to think.

I have more ideas to share about summer so if you are working on making your plan, be sure to keep checking back. The goals above will be connected to actual activities that we will add to our summer months. I will let you know what those are and am eager to read your thoughts, too. Together, we can create a wonderful span of time that helps our children to stay connected to what they have already learned and to continue to seek growth in a whole new way.

Blessings on your day!

Weary Feet and a Minute for Me

I spent the morning tweaking a writing project I have been putz-ing at for a month. Now, with my house completely quiet, I am claiming time for me. I have been invited by a friend to join her downtown tonight for dinner and a play. The whole of that sentence makes me smile because it is filled with so many things that I honestly just LOVE. It is time for me to pull my self together and sit with a dear friend, enjoy wonderful conversation, surround myself with the arts and then relish an in-depth chat on the journey home. I just cannot wait.

We don't do enough of this, do we? When I am thrilled about a leisurely shower and dressing in clothes that I could NOT wear to a gym, what does that say about my daily priorities? Every morning, my children leave for school dressed, clean, combed and brushed. They feel good and look good and have had plenty of sleep... well, mostly. Somehow, I have pushed myself far enough back that the base things that I require for them, I often do not require for myself.

Tonight, I am going out. But what will I do tomorrow? What will it take for me to feel like I have prioritized myself a bit then? What will it take for you to do the same? What minute can you reserve for yourself to relax, to read a bit, to enjoy a treat or just to find some space to remember what you love, even in this season of sacrifice?

When my older boys were little, I remember giving them daily baths. It took time but they loved it all. One day, I pulled off my socks and soaked my weary feet in the warm, soapy water as they played. It was just a little thing but it made a world of difference to this tired momma. It couldn't compare to a pedicure or massage but for those few minutes, it was close enough. I found myself looking forward to the boys' baths both for them and for me.

So, what's it going to be? You are too important to those you love best to set yourself aside again. Just find a minute. Think of one small thing that you love. Work it in and you will find that the lift it gives you makes you a better mom to those children at your feet. You are worth it, you know. You really, really are.

Blessings on your day.

Seminary and Law School... Or Maybe Not.

Last week, as I was tucking Josiah into bed and after I had kissed him goodnight, he asked me a question.

"Momma, do they still speak Hebrew in Israel?"

"Hmm...buddy, I am really not sure but I am happy to look that up for you." I replied.

Josiah was thoughtful a moment and answered, "I would like to translate the alphabet into Hebrew for them."

Josiah is 7.

Last night, Mark and I were watching the Vikings game and the kids were off doing things of their own for a while. Josiah wandered back in and sat down next to me to read. I could hear Noah and Benjamin laughing at an inside Star Wars joke and Elizabeth singing to her dolls. I leaned over and kissed Josiah on the top of his head and asked him what he was reading.

"The Plague of Hail." he answered calmly.

I looked down and found him holding the Bible in one hand and tracing the sentences with the other.

He is seven years old.

Sometimes I think we are given a glimpse into what our children may grow to become. The glimpses may be brief and we may miss them altogether but I am convinced those views are there. And maybe it will all come to fruition or maybe our vision is clouded and we see what we want to see but the longer I mother these children, the more I think it is true. We get to see their gifts. We get to see their strengths. And maybe, just maybe, those qualities have something to do with who they will become.

Josiah, I think, is headed for the ministry.

When Noah and Benjamin were little, Mark and I were struggling to find time to spend with one another. Felt like bedtime kept getting pushed later in the night and by the time the kids were asleep, we were too tired to talk. We decided to talk to the boys about our situation so they could hear that going to bed and staying in bed was really important to us. The boys were 3 and 4.

"Boys, daddy and I love each other," we began, "and we are going to be married to each other for the rest of our lives. We love to spend time with both of you but we need time to talk, time to spend together, so our relationship to each other stays strong. So, we need you to stay in bed so we can have that time; so we can be momma and daddy to you and husband and wife to each other for a very long time."

Noah sat thoughtfully and then began, "How long were you dating before you married each other and had Ben and me?". He was four years old at the time.

I looked at my boy and said, "Four years buddy. We dated each other for four years."

Without missing a beat, Noah responded, "Then I guess you have had time to talk."

Law school. Noah is headed for law school.

Sometimes we get a little glimpse into what our children do well...

Like when Benjamin runs down a soccer field as fast as his legs will go... and suddenly a smile breaks out on his beautiful face.

Like when Elizabeth walks into a new situation, a new place, a new class with the confidence of one far older than she... as though everyone there had been awaiting her arrival.

Little glimpses. Beautiful peeks into a possible future... or at the very least, an opportunity to see what they love, what they are great at, what they have been given to use to make a difference in this world.

And what are we to do with it all? Should I run off and open a law school savings account or start saving seminary dollars? Should I fast track Noah into speech and debate clubs and remove the distraction of soccer and baseball? Why do we get to see it at all?

What if the point of these views or visions is three-fold? I see it like this...

1. I have the chance to affirm my child in what it is they do best. But I have to be really careful to remind myself that strengths have a way of changing over time. I need to be open to what is new in my children today. Yesterday it may have been law school, tomorrow it may be teaching. But, hearing me name their strengths can effect the way my children see themselves. It can help them remember, on a really tough day, that there are things that they do well... and that these gifts will be needed some day.

2. I have the chance to help my child prepare for their place in the whole, wide, world. As they are affirmed and their gifts are seen, I have the delightful opportunity to remind each of my four that they are important and that God has a plan for their lives. Now, I don't know if it will matter at all but when I think of how that must feel, to grow up knowing you are needed and important, it really makes me smile. What does that do for the heart of a six-year-old struggling to learn to read? What does that do to the esteem of a 13 year old learning to stand up against the pressure of peers. Knowing you have a purpose... a God-created purpose... seems like a pretty powerful and positive thing.

3. I get to be reminded of the wonder in it all. There is great WONDER in parenting, friends. Sometimes we are too weary to see it but honestly, it is there. Every day, I get to wake up to these four beautiful faces and discover strengths and weaknesses that are fully owned by them. I cannot take the credit, nor should I try. But, watching them develop into the people they will be is an amazing thing to even be this close to. Benjamin's athleticism, Elizabeth's compassion, Josiah's heart, Noah's vision... all of it astounds me. Watching a little person I so deeply love find out what matters to them... and what they can do with that... is completely and totally wonder-full.

I have no idea what will become of my kids when the path they choose is theirs. I have no idea if a lawyer or pastor live somewhere under my roof. And truly, none of that matters. What matters to me is that today I find a way to help them see what God has given them to offer back to His great big world. Today, what matters is that I affirm my babies and help them find their feet. Because someday THEY will choose. Someday, the paths will be before them and in a step of faith and courage they will set their foot upon one and a new part of their journey will begin. And I can only hope that what I say today and what I see today will help to prepare them for that path... and that as they take that very first step, they will do so knowing they are loved and accepted and seen and heard. And always have been.

Blessings on your day.

Resolutions #2: No Do-Overs

There is a lot of pressure that comes with the beginning of a brand new year. Self-imposed, culture-created, but real nonetheless. In some ways it feels like a do-over, a chance to begin again. There is lie in that, though. Untruths. Misunderstandings. I am not sure that a do-over is really possible in life but as I think that through, it's probably okay. I would rather think of the New Year in terms of a staircase than a complete erasing of the past and a new, fresh start. I may not be proud of all I have done or all the experiences I carry with me but all of that has a part to play in the place I sit right now. So, in thinking about resolutions, I want to take a step... preferably a step UP... to get closer to a place I choose.

My kids have been in school all week. Chicago was caught in a snowstorm that left us with about 8 inches of snow and once it cleared, the lake-effect flakes hit again. I know my kids were hoping for a snow day but I did not share that desire. Much as I love to be with them, this week I wanted to have time to think through goals and start to work toward them. Many goals, no fresh starts, lots of thinking and praying and wondering what I need to do next.

Sometimes we hope for such big change that the resolutions we set for ourselves are grandiose and lofty. This is not what I am looking for this year. This year, I want to think in terms of small changes that may (or may not) lead to bigger goals. I am categorizing these adjustments in terms of areas of my life... Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Social, Professional, etc... in hopes of hitting them all within any given week. Not sure this is possible. Not going to get discouraged if I miss. But, a small goal helps me know how to structure my time and if I know that goal is getting me somewhere, motivation grows!

This week, I went back to working out. Truth be told, I dislike it. A lot. Never have enjoyed working myself up into a sweat for the sake of doing just that. And yet, I am 42 years old and my babies are growing up and what I know for sure is that I want to be here for them. I want to watch them grow. I want to be present in their lives to wrap my arms around them when their hearts are broken and laugh with them when the day is good. I want to be here with my husband, Mark. I want to continue to walk this life we have made together for decades and decades to come. I want to grow old and have grandchildren and be active and helpful to this world and God's Kingdom. And not one bit of that can happen if I allow the physical part of me to be ignored and fall away. I hate to work out. But this week, I went Monday. I went Wednesday. I went today. Goal accomplished. Small change that can, maybe, lead to a bigger goal. It was a start for me. And knowing that I did it, even just for this one week, feels good.

What about you? If you have set aside big plans for yourself this year, what small step can you take to make it possible to see those plans come to fruition? What do you want a year from now? Five years from now? Ten? Can you break it down into small pieces, something you can really wrap your arms around, so that you can make an adjustment today?

As I sit here now, I will not seek a do-over. I will not even try to set aside the life I have lived thus far. Instead, I will try to find the stairs. One step up. That is all I need today. The movement itself is gratifying and the thought of where it might get me gives me strength for the climb. Wonder what the view is like from up there?

Blessings on your day.

Making Resolutions

As I was preparing to blog about resolutions, I came across this quote:

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility." Eric Zorn

I love the way this is said. So true.

I am planning on writing about my own resolutions soon. I would love to hear some of yours. As we think it through together, let's also plan for ways to achieve the goals we are setting for ourselves. Hoping for change does not, in and of itself, lead to change. Planning, praying, doing... this is what is needed to move in the new directions we are seeking.

Come back soon for more on this important topic.



Blessings on your day!

Goals and Plans and Things to do... "Sticks" Included!

I have this thing about goals. There are two sides to this coin and both are very real to me. I love the feeling that comes with having a purpose, an end in view that spurs you onward-learning and growing along the way. On the other hand, there is something to be said about guilt-free relaxing that does not carry with it the stress of an opportunity missed. I have moments where these sides balance perfectly and I feel a calm sense of forward movement. In summer, I seek that balance for my children and myself.

With three months spread out before us, the thinking through possible goals seems like a natural fit. A month or two before school gets out, I start thinking through things I would like my kids to learn. I dream about experiences I would like to share with them, places to go, things to do. I process through whatever is upcoming for them in the next school year and think of ways they might accomplish some of that over the summer. I add to that list enticing books to read and activities that will help my children connect to one another. On top of all this, I wonder about what they need to learn... what life skills might they need as they grow from children to adults. It is three long months and I like to look at that time as a gift... a chance to give them, teach them, things I know will matter for a long, long time to come.

Some of you read this blog because somewhere over the years you have heard me speak to your group or to a conference you have attended. If you have heard me speak or know my family in any way, you have heard me mention "Sticks". This is a program originally created for use in our house to increase organization, help my children internalize (age-appropriate) daily tasks, minimize parental nagging, reduce materialism, develop independence and generally help our home run in a way that is far less stressful. I had NO idea when I developed the program that it would take on a life of its own! I am now writing a book on it all that I hope to complete by next fall. I am asked to speak on "Sticks" all the time and there are now many, many people who are using the system in their own homes. "Sticks" is a big part of our summer planning and while I cannot post the whole "Sticks" system here on my blog (Who would buy the book?), I can tell you some of the things that we do everyday to help my kids find structure in the slow, relaxing days of summer.

Here are some things that we are doing-

Everyday all the kids: read for 30 minutes, play outside (at least twice), practice a sport (usually soccer or baseball), have a healthy snack, play with a sibling, do a workbook page (That commercial where the child at the pool is losing all his knowledge from the previous year haunts me!), clean after meals, assist with our big garden, feed and brush and walk our dogs, and help with simple housework.

The older boys: learn to do laundry (gotta love that!), practice an instrument and develop leadership skills by teaching a younger sibling a sport outside.

The younger kids: help haul laundry, do flashcards in reading or math, help with setting and clearing the table and learn a sport.

In a given week: all the kids memorize a memory verse from the Bible.

Over the summer: Elizabeth (5) will learn some pre-reading and reading skills, Josiah (6)will work on math skills in addition and subtraction, Benjamin (10) will fight his urge to play all instruments by ear and work on reading music and Noah (12) is working on some school lessons that will be important for him next year. All the kids will read books from the library that our school recommends. These books are found on the Caudill List and the Monarch Book List.

In addition to all this, the kids will either participate in or help run our church's VBS program and take swimming lessons for two weeks. Sometimes we can add a camp or two but VBS and swimming are things not to be missed.

It may seem like an awful lot but the truth is that our daily routine is really quite laid back. Because the kids know what they are working on and Sticks eliminates nagging, they move from activity to activity, from task to task, with little pushing from me. There is TONS of time for free play, though most of that will happen outdoors. When they come inside, Legos are a draw and the younger kids still love our old Imaginext set. They make up games, play with lots of water and interestingly all the boys have chosen to "write a book" on the computer. We watch very little tv and have not yet started video games, and so time is not spent there. We encourage "screen-free" time and for the most part, the days are full and relaxing enough that screens get pushed out without notice.

Mark and I dream of things we would love to do with our kids... most of which will not find a place in the next three months. Spending over two years with two houses and two mortgages makes many things impossible but we dream nonetheless.

We dream about:
-Camping vacations to places that we long to show our children before they are grown and gone. We would love to go to the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone Park, Yosemite. We have long since outgrown our tent and wish we could afford a pop-up that we could pull from place to place and sleep up off the ground.

-Being able to afford overnight camps and bigger summer experiences for our four kids. With camp a part of both of our backgrounds, we know how important that time can be but our goals and wishes and budget must match.

-Taking all the kids on mission trips out of the country to teach them more about their part in the Kingdom and to help them see our blessed life in fuller perspective. With friends who live in various countries, the locations would be easy to choose, the plane fare much harder to come by.

For now, we dream --but someday we will do! While we wait, the summer is full of simple pleasures and quiet moments that intertwine with the chipping away at goals and tasks and new lessons learned. The goals offer us a structure from which we hang our lazy days and for us, the fit is good.

What about you? What would you like to see your children learn over the next three months? What experiences can you offer, what lessons are important for your little ones at home? What do you want your days to look like and how might you facilitate that happening for them? It has taken many years for our family to learn and build the system that we use but this level of detail is not necessary to maximize your many summer days. Finding a few minutes to be intentional about what they will learn and do can save your sanity when the walls begin to feel like they are closing in.

It is cloudy and cold in Chicago today. After chipping away at some daily tasks, we made a big bowl of popcorn and cuddled up with blankets to watch a silly movie. Even with goals, even with structure, there is always a place for a child on my lap and the smell of popcorn on the air.

Blessings on your day!

A Slacker Reviews Resolutions

I know, I know, I am slacking in my blogger duties! Thanks to those of you who faithfully check this site, only to find that I am still thinking it through more so than writing about it. This has been a time for that, thinking it through, and I have been juggling that processing with the very full demands of being wife to Mark and momma to four.

The New Year always holds such thinking for me. I take it all so seriously and truly want to establish goals for myself and my family that will matter to us this year and for many years to come. There are things that need to be taken better care of and things that need to get done. There are things I dream about and things that I know must occur. There is balance to find and structure to clarify. There are relationships to tend to and space to create. It is a lot I know... and I am aware that many people do not even believe in resolutions... but for me it is an important rite of passage from one year to the next. A touchstone. A cornerstone. A start.

Here are some of my thoughts, jumbled and messy but true:

1. Physically: I need to take better care of myself. This likely means going to the doctor, which I am loathe to do. In the midst of so much mommy-ing, my physical health is the first thing to fall off the radar and I know that it is not best. As cliche as it might be, I want to work out more and feel better. Baby steps.

2. Spiritually: I need to listen to what God has for me and trust Him to see it through. Doesn't sound that hard, does it? I tell myself that often... but I am quickly reminded that if it were as simple as those words strung together, I would be doing it much more readily! I know I need to write. I have a half finished book, many book ideas and need to work toward being published. I feel God nudging... but my feet are set in clay. Time to move.

3. Professionally: Oh the dreams! There is much I would love to do. God has given me a passion for encouraging moms and after speaking at conferences and to countless groups, I have a fire in my belly to create a retreat that does just that. I want to speak more, develop new topics, connect it all to my writing, and... I could go on and on...

4. Emotionally: I need seek balance in more purposeful and intentional way. There are times I get this right and many times I miss the mark entirely. I want balance to be a way of life in all times instead of a way to right my sinking ship. I know that when I am keeping good balance in my life, I feel better. When I feel better I am a better wife to Mark and a better momma to Noah, Benjamin, Josiah and Elizabeth.

I have several other goals that I am eager to work toward... and now, 20 days into the new year, I am still focused on these as I move forward. As I think it all through though, I know that none of it has any worth if it is separate from that which God is dreaming for me, as well. The past two years have been trying for us as we juggle two houses, two mortgages and more stress than we could have imagined being able to manage. But this I know... none of it is outside of His dream for me. None of it is without purpose. When I am most frustrated, most discouraged, it is the heart of God to pull near, draw me close, help me to find my way into yet another day. I am not alone. YOU are not alone.

As we continue through the beginning of this new year, let's hope together. Let's look at our humble lives and make goals. Let's plan and dream and in doing so remember that the God of all creation dreams WITH us. The goals we set with that in mind are worth far more than a new year's resolution. These goals can help us to unfold a bit more of His plan... and that is worth the work.